Daily GUIDE-ance:

Friday, November 25, 2011

The Opposite of Thanksgiving

I really hate to write this because I believe, with Zaphod, that the main point of life is to have as good a time as possible...

I had a minor epiphany: Black Friday really is the OPPOSITE of Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving is about the following:
Being grateful for the Basics: Food, Shelter, Family, Warmth, Life.
It's a about reaching out from that simple gratitude, and inviting alot of people over to share a meal.
It implies that we are more than just Lucky, it hints at being Blessed. By celebrating the basics of survival, it reminds us that there is more to life than mere survival.
It's about enjoying what we have, and being grateful.

Black Friday is about freaking out over the things we don't have and being greedy.
Its about being materialistic. It's firmly grounded in the things ' that can't be taken with you.'

I hope people don't start treating Thanksgiving as just a Black Friday eve- that would be sad. If I were a religious person, I might suggest that some aspects of Black Friday are the devil's attempt to weaken Thanksgiving.

I sit out Black Friday, because I'd much rather relax at home enjoying my life, than battle crowds and lines all day. I really don't need much to be happy. Although one of these years, I keep promising myself, I am going to go to Walmart in a gorilla suit and throw poo at everyone, knock over a barrel of live snakes, loudly sight Elvis, etc. Because chaos is its own reward.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving!

A few people have mentioned that it is too bad that there is no Thanksgiving music.

See playlist at right:

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Al-Qaeda Siege Bread

I have this recipe for something called Amish Friendship Bread. You throw some yeast into a jar with flour, sugar and milk, and let it breed. Every week or so you bake some of it into this cakey bread. My only problem with it is, when you do this you are also supposed to give away some of the goo to friends so they can do the same thing, like a virus. Well, I don't know anyone that I want to give some goo to, so instead I am just going to eat it all myself. Thing is, if I do this, the name no longer fits. It can't be friendship bread if I plan on not sharing it... its more like The Bread of Greed, or something. Antisocial Lonely Bread?.

So I need a new name, and I am calling on the internet community for help picking the right one.

I kind of like the theme of using an oddball religion/cult/philosophy in the name... gives it flavor. (I wonder if this recipe really originated with the amish?)

So far I have considered something starting with the following:

Klu Klux Klan
Nazi
Marxist
Voodoo
Wiccan
Pagan
Anarchist
Hammas
Orcish (I also thought for a second of just calling it lembas bread)

After I get a really great name with just the right balance of believability and startlingness (right now I like Wiccan) I will make a thematically correct instruction sheet (pentacles, evil looking goats, grim looking monkeys eating bread... the right theme will depend of course on the name that wins out) and I will paste this sheet onto a jar for this goo that will be a semipermanent resident in the cupboard, until I get sick of eating the stuff. It will be great for people to stumble on unexpectedly. (Satanic Zombie Bread???!!!! OMG, John's evil now!!!!) Things is, Satanic Zombie Bread is a terrible example, because it is not even remotely believable. This is why I need your help. I want something that looks like it genuinely orginated in some subltly evil subculture. (Jim Jones's Koolaid Bread?)

Now that I think on it, if I get a good enough name, it may make me defeat the entire purpose of the operation and start handing it out to friendly people in the church and community. I could give my kid's teachers recipes for Lord Voldemort's Horcrux Bread, along with bags of starter goo. That could be fun.

So, ideas?