Daily GUIDE-ance:

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Today I was almost run over by a wide pedestrian who was looking over his shoulder as he was turning a corner. It was one of those human encounters that are common across all cultures and times. In India, China, New Zealand, Turkey, amongst the Cromagnon cave painters, ancient Aztecs, Africans, Victorian England, Samurais, pirates, Jews, Romans, vikings, midgets...everyone has those random encounters where you almost trample/get trampled by another person who wasn't there until they had invaded your personal space. And we all suck in and go up on tip toes and make "Wooooa!!" sounds as we pivot around each other.

And here is what I thought today when it happened:

"Crickey, that dude almost engulfed me! Close call that. Too bad there wasn't some way I could just move aside his atoms and walk through him or something like that, would be alot simpler than having to do that stupid don't-touch-me dance. Although, seriously, John, you should be way over the whole move-the-atoms-aside concept, you know that's impossible,

or at least if it was possible, it definitely wouldn't be easier that just dodging each other.

Yeah, true, true, what I really need is for that big dude to just have a giant hole in his chest big enough for me to dive through without touching the edges. That'd work good. Only... seems like kind of a stupid design for a person to just have a hole in them constantly. Maybe if it were more like a door, that could be opened and closed. That's better.

Like if he had hinges on the left side of his chest... it'd be kind of like a cat flap only in a person in stead of in a door. yeah. Why don't we have those? Plus think how much more convenient it would be for surgeons, if we had easily opened pockets, that would let you get at your guts and innards without having to use those dangerous knives. I guess you'd want pretty good seals on it, to keep out germs etc, or people would die all the time though.

But still... there might be a nice middle ground between a perfect seal, which I guess is just solid skin, like what we all have now, and a loose cat flap of muscle and blood, and... no... probably wouldn't, work would it? I suppose that's why no one has evolved any sort of body design with holes in it like that..."

Monday, March 21, 2011

It's one of those nights. When the essence of John Sever awesomeness starts to make my skin start to feel like maybe its not quite big enough to keep it all inside. Life is good. All muscles and brains and good looks. Summer is coming.

You get all wound up inside
Like the days were carved in stone
You get all wired up inside
And its bad to be alone
But you can go out, you can take a ride
And when you get out on your own
You get all smoothed out inside
And its good to be alone.

-Rush (who else?) Face up, Roll the Bones

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Chapter One of Ghost Story

Started it. Probably I'll wait for the paper version later. E+T, you haven't read Side Jobs yet have you? Next time we are in your vicinity I am forcibly loaning it to you.

Now that Ghost Story is semi released, I guess I now have enough objectying distance to be able to evaluate Changes. Not sure I liked Changes. Fah. Time for bed.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Erik met his kindergarten teacher to be yesterday. He gravitated to a large plastic dinosaur in the room.

"That's a stegosaurus" explained Mrs H.
"Right, that's one of the early dinosaurs." Erik replied.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Evil

Today, on the way to work, driving through the suprizingly unMarch like slush, I observed a small bird hopping across the road, frantically beating it's wings, almost, but not quite able to achieve flight, because it was soaking wet, and probably shivering with cold too.

Before I knew what I was doing, an huge smile split my face, and even though I was all alone in my car, my evil, satisfied snicker burst out, unbidden from my chest. Like this: "Hee Heh Heh Heh."

I won't tell what I thought on the way home, it was even eviler.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Welp, it appears that Facebook has disabled my account again. Only this time I don't even care enough to bother to bother any admin people to get it reacitivated... I was starting to not see much point of in it anyway. So COOL! Maybe now, when I feel like airing my thoughts online I will do it by composing a complete thought instead of trying to squish half a thought into the room it would take to put a quarter of a thought in that dumb little postage stamp text block they alot you. Heck. I might even string multiple thoughts together!


Plus the commericals on FB were getting more and more annoying. I mean, I like attractive women probably slightly more than the next guy, but I have to laugh. Because: "Lady- I can tell by the look on your face that you think you are a dangerous predator. But I have bad news for you: you are in your underwear. Not about rip out the jugular of the slowest gazelle out in the herd. You are way too wimpy to kill a gazelle. Even the chubby, wounded baby gazelle-ling could mug you. There are spagetti noodles with more muscle than you. Maybe you could catch a duck, if it was on land, and couldn't fly. You could possibly startle it into immobilty by flashing your bra and shorts at it, and then pounce, I guess, but even then, it'd be so much easier to just toss a few bread crumbs. In most parks I've been to, you'd have the whole flock surrounding you in seconds, and you would look a whole lot smarter that way."



Why aren't there more models like this?



Thursday, March 3, 2011

The other night I dreamed that Bobby Fischer was an ape of some kind. And I thought: this is going to be an interesting one for the major religions of the world to interpret. I mean if an ape can be the greatest chess player in the world, then I think you have to admit that apes have souls, and could go to heaven. Or hell for that matter. Which means they must also be children of God. Which makes us their siblings spiritually. Which just screws everything up, because where do you then draw the line? At chimps? Organutangs? Baboons? Monkeys? Lemurs? Possums? Rats? Do you really want to wind up in Rat Heaven when you are dead? Or Rat Hell? That's got a ring to it: Rathell! "I hope you burn in Rathell!"

I think kangaroos are awesome. The pouch thing. They can have a baby, and then put it back for a while. They can actually be partially pregant. That's a clever design. I think marsupials will take over the world and evolve intellegnce after humanity is extinct. They would be able to have way bigger brains than people, because the baby's could be born before the brain is totally done and full size. Humans are really a marginal design.