Daily GUIDE-ance:

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Al-Qaeda Siege Bread

I have this recipe for something called Amish Friendship Bread. You throw some yeast into a jar with flour, sugar and milk, and let it breed. Every week or so you bake some of it into this cakey bread. My only problem with it is, when you do this you are also supposed to give away some of the goo to friends so they can do the same thing, like a virus. Well, I don't know anyone that I want to give some goo to, so instead I am just going to eat it all myself. Thing is, if I do this, the name no longer fits. It can't be friendship bread if I plan on not sharing it... its more like The Bread of Greed, or something. Antisocial Lonely Bread?.

So I need a new name, and I am calling on the internet community for help picking the right one.

I kind of like the theme of using an oddball religion/cult/philosophy in the name... gives it flavor. (I wonder if this recipe really originated with the amish?)

So far I have considered something starting with the following:

Klu Klux Klan
Nazi
Marxist
Voodoo
Wiccan
Pagan
Anarchist
Hammas
Orcish (I also thought for a second of just calling it lembas bread)

After I get a really great name with just the right balance of believability and startlingness (right now I like Wiccan) I will make a thematically correct instruction sheet (pentacles, evil looking goats, grim looking monkeys eating bread... the right theme will depend of course on the name that wins out) and I will paste this sheet onto a jar for this goo that will be a semipermanent resident in the cupboard, until I get sick of eating the stuff. It will be great for people to stumble on unexpectedly. (Satanic Zombie Bread???!!!! OMG, John's evil now!!!!) Things is, Satanic Zombie Bread is a terrible example, because it is not even remotely believable. This is why I need your help. I want something that looks like it genuinely orginated in some subltly evil subculture. (Jim Jones's Koolaid Bread?)

Now that I think on it, if I get a good enough name, it may make me defeat the entire purpose of the operation and start handing it out to friendly people in the church and community. I could give my kid's teachers recipes for Lord Voldemort's Horcrux Bread, along with bags of starter goo. That could be fun.

So, ideas?

66 comments:

Eyepoke said...

Maybe it could be Nudist Love Bread, and the instructinos could be exactly the same except that it specifys that you be naked the whole time?

Jess Newell said...

I like anti-social lonely bread. But Voldemort's horcrux bread is pretty funny. :) Nazi dead jew bread. convince everyone that the flour is ground up bones from a jew.

Colista said...

I was so pondering on making some of the so-called Amish Friendship Bread just a couple of days ago. I decided against it. But, Nudist Love Bread! Bahahaha! I would definitely make that! I also liked the Satanic Zombie Bread but, I agree, not believable. I like Wiccan something or Voodoo too....

timpani76 said...

Mountain Mormon Bread (we don't just share our wives!)

Socialist Propaganda Bread (you will share and like it!)

Karl Marx Great Society Bread (you will share this bread or we will put your in a Death Camp!)

Anonymous said...

Nice ones Timpani!

Pagan Moon Bread?

J

timpani76 said...

Baalite Orgy Bread?

timpani76 said...

Stage 4 cancer bread?

Patrick said...

Wiccan Sacrificial Altar Bread? U will be honnored to be offered up w/ the bread?

Eyepoke said...

The bread was horrible. I did't name it anything and I threw it away. All three loaves that I had intended to not share but horde.

Also, since the recipe called for instant pudding mix, I'm pretty sure it did not originate with the Amish.

Blast. what to do with this left over goo?

Patrick said...

Use it in ur later Black Friday plans w/ the gorilla suit? Throw it at crazy BF shoppers? Sounds about right for that anyway!

Eyepoke said...

^^^^ Here is wisdom.

Patrick said...

Thanks!

Anonymous said...

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