Daily GUIDE-ance:

Saturday, January 15, 2011

I went to court the other day.

It was the fault of Liz because it was her car I was driving which did not have its proof of insurance in the vehicle at the time I got pulled over (but not ticketed) for speeding.

Court is hideously boring, of course, but this one started at 7pm and for some reason- possibly because I knew that all I had to do was flash my papers at the guy and go home- I just happened to be in exactly the right mood to enjoy being in court. That'll never happen again I am sure.

Since they did this stuff in alphabtical order (Idiots! that type of raw inefficency would get laughed out of town in the private sector- well not at Caterpillar, but that is why they tanked) it meant I got to sit through 2/3s of the evening proceedings just to wave my paper. But as I said, I was in the right mood. Plus I brought a book.

You have to walk up in front of everyone else in the court and face the judge when your name is called. This means that you have to turn you back on everyone else in the room. So I watched alot of rear ends. You can tell alot about a person by thier rear end. Actually, I doubt that that's true.

Alot of weed smoking charges, and tresspassing. If you smoke weed you have to go to weed class, unless you are too old for it. One guy was too old, but all the rest of the potheads were underage and were allowed to go to weedclass. They mostly looked like pot smokers. (Or at least their rears did.) Stereotypes become stereotypes for good reasons, I guess. The guy who was too old was allowed to go to adult weedclass.

The other popular charge was tresspassing. Apparently you aren't allowed in a certain park after dark. There is a great big sign right out front that says so. I know because the judge told every single tresspasser about it. (He was old, which explains it.) All the tresspassers were teenagers (but not weedsmokers) except one nice looking, plumpish, well dressed girl about 26ish, with sexy librarian glasses and a novel, who was in the park with a friend, who made her blush when she mentioned him, (I could tell from behind) after hours and hadn't seen the big sign out front, although the judge explained about it being there, in plain sight, even in the dark, to her. She was the only other person there with a book, besides me, that I saw.

One of the teachers from Jonni's school was there. Her last name comes after S, so I dont know what she was there for, dang it. But we exchanged smiles.

The person who was the most humilated, I think, was an adult woman who was charged with shoplifting cleaning products from Dollar General. What a lame crime! She looked likely to die of embarrasment.

The judge yelled at a slobbish looking fat black guy for driving an uninsured motorcycle for the millionth time. He claimed he was going to the hospital on it at the time and the judge said he didn't care because that was what he said the last time and the other time before that and so the judge no longer cared how sick the fat guy was, but would throw him in jail next time, and fined him $500. He was the only one I saw get yelled at. "I'll tell you right to your face" was the judge's opening line. I liked this because I hated the fat guy's T-shirt. It had that stupid angry cartoon baby with a football shaped head, wearing gangster bling (the baby on the shirt, not the fat guy). He should be in jail just for the shirt. Stupid fat guy. He was very fat indeed. I would think a motorcycle would be hard to ride when you are that fat.


Jess Newell said...

this made me giggle so much!! stupid fat black guy.


timpani76 said...

I would have been so embarrassed if I was that teacher. I might have also been just as embarrassed being a parent in court though too ;)

Oh, and dude, you're an adult now, stop getting caught for speeding! Talk about a "lame crime". Hello!!!

colista said...

Bahahahaha! This is the best thing I have read in awhile! you need to write a book, seriously!

lizS said...

oh my goodness, girls don't ENCOURAGE him!!

Anonymous said...

Why would you be embarrassed to be in court? Have you never been?


timpani76 said...

No John, never been to court. Are you saying I'm missing something in my life there?

Eyepoke said...

Its only embarassing if you feel bad about what ever crime you commmited. Being the hardened, reckless type that I am, I never do.

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