Daily GUIDE-ance:

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Please Forward

There once was this little lame boy who met a grumpy old man on Christmas Eve.

"Why are you so grumpy? asked the little boy.

"I dunno. Whay are you so lame?" asked the old man. "Haw haw haw! LAME! Your lame! get it!?"

"That makes me sad" said the little boy.

Just then a lost puppy walked by.

"If only an angel could show that lost puppy the way home" prayed the boy.

"Snif." said the old man. "Once I had a puppy alot like that. She was a Christmas Gift from my dead wife."

"dont worry, puppy" said the boy "Ill take care of you"

"here is some money" said the old man "Im sorry I called you lame"

"im sorry i said your were grumpy"

the puppy looked up at the two as if to say "I am glad that my two best friends are now friends on Christmas day"

then the puppy turned all glowing and shimmery and a mysterious voice seemed to say: "The True meaning of Christmas isn't about the toys or being lame and all that. Its about the Love that's in your heart."

"No Duh" laughed the old man. "Look I see a poor family in a broken down car just trying to get home for the holidays over on that corner. Why dont we give them the puppy?"

But the beautiful puppy was Nowhere to Be Seen.

Friday, November 25, 2011

The Opposite of Thanksgiving

I really hate to write this because I believe, with Zaphod, that the main point of life is to have as good a time as possible...

I had a minor epiphany: Black Friday really is the OPPOSITE of Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving is about the following:
Being grateful for the Basics: Food, Shelter, Family, Warmth, Life.
It's a about reaching out from that simple gratitude, and inviting alot of people over to share a meal.
It implies that we are more than just Lucky, it hints at being Blessed. By celebrating the basics of survival, it reminds us that there is more to life than mere survival.
It's about enjoying what we have, and being grateful.

Black Friday is about freaking out over the things we don't have and being greedy.
Its about being materialistic. It's firmly grounded in the things ' that can't be taken with you.'

I hope people don't start treating Thanksgiving as just a Black Friday eve- that would be sad. If I were a religious person, I might suggest that some aspects of Black Friday are the devil's attempt to weaken Thanksgiving.

I sit out Black Friday, because I'd much rather relax at home enjoying my life, than battle crowds and lines all day. I really don't need much to be happy. Although one of these years, I keep promising myself, I am going to go to Walmart in a gorilla suit and throw poo at everyone, knock over a barrel of live snakes, loudly sight Elvis, etc. Because chaos is its own reward.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving!

A few people have mentioned that it is too bad that there is no Thanksgiving music.

See playlist at right:

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Al-Qaeda Siege Bread

I have this recipe for something called Amish Friendship Bread. You throw some yeast into a jar with flour, sugar and milk, and let it breed. Every week or so you bake some of it into this cakey bread. My only problem with it is, when you do this you are also supposed to give away some of the goo to friends so they can do the same thing, like a virus. Well, I don't know anyone that I want to give some goo to, so instead I am just going to eat it all myself. Thing is, if I do this, the name no longer fits. It can't be friendship bread if I plan on not sharing it... its more like The Bread of Greed, or something. Antisocial Lonely Bread?.

So I need a new name, and I am calling on the internet community for help picking the right one.

I kind of like the theme of using an oddball religion/cult/philosophy in the name... gives it flavor. (I wonder if this recipe really originated with the amish?)

So far I have considered something starting with the following:

Klu Klux Klan
Nazi
Marxist
Voodoo
Wiccan
Pagan
Anarchist
Hammas
Orcish (I also thought for a second of just calling it lembas bread)

After I get a really great name with just the right balance of believability and startlingness (right now I like Wiccan) I will make a thematically correct instruction sheet (pentacles, evil looking goats, grim looking monkeys eating bread... the right theme will depend of course on the name that wins out) and I will paste this sheet onto a jar for this goo that will be a semipermanent resident in the cupboard, until I get sick of eating the stuff. It will be great for people to stumble on unexpectedly. (Satanic Zombie Bread???!!!! OMG, John's evil now!!!!) Things is, Satanic Zombie Bread is a terrible example, because it is not even remotely believable. This is why I need your help. I want something that looks like it genuinely orginated in some subltly evil subculture. (Jim Jones's Koolaid Bread?)

Now that I think on it, if I get a good enough name, it may make me defeat the entire purpose of the operation and start handing it out to friendly people in the church and community. I could give my kid's teachers recipes for Lord Voldemort's Horcrux Bread, along with bags of starter goo. That could be fun.

So, ideas?

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Smart Monkey Breeding Program

Been reading about artificial selection...(as opposed to natural selection.) Its pretty amazing the way humans have sculpted wolves into dogs, dogs into mastiffs and terriers, horses into thoroughbreds, cows into milk machines... the list goes on and on. Most domesticated animals couldn't survive in a de-humaned world anymore. Most bulldogs are born by C-section nowadays. Their heads are too big for a natural birth.

(Heck. Forget animals. Look how we have selectively sculpted our own gene pool. How many modern humans are really physically suited to survive and successfully repopulate a completely 'natural' (by which I mean mainly just a de-technological-ified) world? I'd make it less than half, no question. Maybe a tenth?)

So what I think would be neat is this: Let's breed chimps for intelligence and see just how smart a monkey we can get. There are already talking (well, sign-languaging) apes with working vocabularies of 300+ words. What would 10 generations of selected breeding for braininess do? How close can an animal get to human intelligence?

(Better question: How close can humans get to animal intelligence? I was at walmart today. It's better than a petting zoo sometimes. What's the Dune quote?
Paul: 'You dare suggest the Duke's son is an animal?'
Reverend mother: 'Let us say that I suggest that you may be human.' I digress.)

A few million years back there were many species of large-ish brained, bipedal, tool-making apes coexisting on the same planet at the same time. (or so the fossil evidence suggests. Also we find their tools). Now there is only us.

What must it be like, having a 'sibling species'? What does a lion think when it runs into a leopard? ('Nice spots.' 'Nice beard.' 'Ee-chuta!' 'How rude!') Seriously... what does meeting a zebra or a horse tell a donkey about what it means to be a donkey? I think it'd... well, it would mess with your head for sure. It would make you think. But WHAT would it make you think? THAT'S what I wanna know.

People don't have any close relatives. All we've got are chimps... retarded second cousin Andy living in the basement... I don't think they count.

So, I think it'd be fascinating to breed a breed of really smart monkeys. What if they could learn to read? What if they could write books? Or even just maintain a lame blog or Facebook page. (Status update: "Thing is people, nobody really likes bananas.") What if they all turn out to be annoying morons?

Thursday, October 13, 2011

I was skeptical about Herman Cain at first,

in the same way I am initally skeptical about a "great" new religious author or musician.

Because if they were really any good, you would expect them to be competing in the real world instead of in some minor niche market. And being a black politican can be like that. Hence, Obama.

However, I started reading Herman Cain's website this morning, and I have to say that I am quite impressed! I like it! Plus he doesn't belong to a cult.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

I've been rereading The Salmon of Doubt, a collection of Douglas Adams's writings published after he died. (BTW, I recently tried watching the television version of The Guide. I felt I owed it to Douglas Adams to try. I made it through two episodes. When it's that low, can your really still call it a budget?)

One of the last segments in this book is a lament for Douglas Adams by his friend, the biologist and outspoken atheist Richard Dawkins. In it he shares a parable Douglas once made up about a man who believes that his television is inhabited by tiny people, living tiny sitcomish lives, competing in miniature sporting events, and bitsy reality or talk shows, all for his viewing pleasure. And engineer explains to the man about electricity and cathode ray tubes, transmission and receivers, etc. The man listens carefully to the engineer, agreeing with each step of the argument, and in the end the man says that now he is satisfied, and that he finaly understands how television really works.

Then Adams's punchline: "But I expect there really are just a few little men in there."

An equally valid punchline could have been: "Well, that proves it: Oprah is imaginary!"

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Below, John rants about politics and apologizes for it:

I hate Obama. No point in making a secret of it. I can't stand him. Personality-wise I find him smug, ignorant, arrogant, egotistical, obnoxious, stilted, awkward, trite, effeminate, impotent, and terminally predictable. He's a loud mouthed bore.

Philosophically?... Maybe the best way to put this is to say that his personality seems to be a derivation and extension of his philosophy.

I read the full text of his jobs speech. Here's some reaction:

"The agreement we passed in July will cut government spending by about $1 trillion over the next ten years. It also charges this Congress to come up with an additional $1.5 trillion in savings by Christmas. Tonight, I’m asking you to increase that amount so that it covers the full cost of the American Jobs Act. "

Ah. So we don't have the money to pay for your plan. And you want Congress to find some for you. How is this a plan!? Shouldn't how you are going to get the money be at least as important to your plan as how to you are going to spend the money? You have an incredibly detailed plot of how to spend the money but only "I'm asking you to cover the full cost of the American Jobs Act" for a plan on getting the money? What a complete waste of space.


"In fact, this larger notion that the only thing we can do to restore prosperity is just dismantle government, refund everyone’s money, let everyone write their own rules, and tell everyone they’re on their own – that’s not who we are. That’s not the story of America. "

Er? Heck yes, I wish you would do exactly that! Refund my money. Back the freak off. Get out of my face. Dismantle Obama 'care'. LEAVE ME ALONE.


"How many jobs would it have cost us if past Congresses decided not to support the basic research that led to the Internet and the computer chip? What kind of country would this be if this Chamber had voted down Social Security or Medicare just because it violated some rigid idea about what government could or could not do? How many Americans would have suffered as a result? "


Yeah. We'd never have come up with computers or the Internet without Big Brother. Nobody but career politicians and bureaucrats would ever have the daring or foresight to invest in this technology on their own.

And geesh. Where would we be without Social Security? Oh yeah. That's exactly where I am going to be, come retirement. Only poorer. Every shrewd investor in my generation knows Social Security is totally solid.

Sorry about ranting about politics! I can't tell you how weird the 2008 election was to me. I mean sometimes, I have a hard time relating to other humans. The TV, the magazine headlines at the grocery check out, most movies, professional sports, everyone's obsession with beer, all seem to me like artifacts from an alien culture. I just can't get behind the mindset that apparently drives Joe Walmart. But usually I get along well enough by reminding myself that we can't ALL be super geniuses, and piously forcing myself to be charitable. (Until they are out of earshot that is. Then I howl unspeakably rude things and cackle madly at my own wit under my breath.) In short, I have mostly come to terms with having a significantly different (smarter!) drummer than regular people.

But not THAT much smarter. 2008 just about convinced my that I really don't belong on this planet. More than half the people voted for this crackhead ?!?!? It was and still is mindblowing to me. And since then, I pretty much quit bothering about politics in disgust. But now that the obvious has been painfully demonstrated with 3 years or so's worth of dramatic failure... I feel like maybe it might not be a total waste of my time and energy to talk about it again.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Limitless (movie)

I thought this was an awesome story, translated to the screen very well. Liz, to be fair, disagrees. A renter, she would call it. Meh. She’s not a bigtime snob like me. (we both liked the soundtrack though. See Howlin' for you, currently stuck in my head, at right). Nicely written sci fi. Basic premise: a new drug gives you temporarily a super human level of intelligence. I enjoyed the thought and effort that the author put into trying to figure out how a person much much smarter than you would act and think. Made for some cool fights scenes. I do love a story about someone who wins with his smarts. Mr. Cooper in the lead role did very well indeed with it, playing the same character, but at varying levels of smart. That’s a solid challenge. Loved the big fight at the end. I also loved his last line to DeNiro.
A fun movie, but made you think. Stimulating. Out of the box.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Mysterium (a book by Robert Charles Wilson)

I am utterly enthralled by this scifi writer. He puts the sci back in sci fi. I’ve compared him before to Michael Crichton, but with a better imagination, and better basic story telling skills. The basic premise: a small vacation town in the west one day vanishes into thin air, simply replaced by old growth jungle. Or from the point of view of the town: the world vanishes and is replaced by another Earth with an alternative history.

He just spins a great yarn, and makes you think.

Here's a quote from Mysterium, that sort of sums up a bit of why I dig this author:

"Do you ever wonder, Howard, about the questions we can't ask?"

"Can't answer, you mean?"

"No. Can't ask."

"I don't understand."

"We're sitting here asking spectacular questions, you and I. About the universe, how it began. And if we can ask a question, probably, sooner or later, we can answer it. So we assume there's no limit to knowledge. But maybe your dog makes the same mistake! He doesn't know what lies beyond the neighborhood, but if he found himself in a strange place he would approach it with the tools of comprehension available to him, and soon he would understand it-dog fashion, by sight and smell and so on. There are no limits to his comprehension, Howard, except the limits he does not and cannot ever experience So how different are we? We can ask many, many more questions than your dog. And we can answer them. But if there are limits to our comprehension, they would be as invisible to us as they are to your dog.

So: is there anything in the universe we simply cannot know? Is there a question we can't ask?"


More tomorrow.

Monday, August 8, 2011

The Latest media I have ingested

I actually don’t watch a lot of movies…no patience. I have no problem with watching 10 minutes and giving up, if it is registering too high on the retardometer to stand. Same with books. Some say this is not a good way to do things, but I say it is. Why waste my time on boring things? This wise ‘quit while I am ahead policy’ assures me of… well I dunno what it assures me of exactly, but at least I don’t have to watch dumb stuff. Like some people I could mention.

It also means, that because I don't waste my time plowing through the mediocre dung of commonplace lame books and movies, I have more time to watch and read ONLY THE BEST. I do love being a snob.

This summer, I’ve seen 3 movies that I really really dug, and gotten quite psyched over at least one book. All rate high on the unique, interesting, provoking and entertaining scales. At least I thought so.

In chronological order of how I saw/read them:

Super 8 (movie)
The thing about being 'out of the box', like this movie was, is how do you sell it? Have you ever watched the original trailers for Princess Bride? Its an awesome classic of a movie but the trailers made it look very stupid. Because it was unlike anything else out there, so there was no frame of reference that a marketer could relate it too. "Did you like _____? Then you’ll love PB!!" There was nothing to fill in the blank with. Super 8 is also out of the box like that. Which is awesome, because EVERY movie out there right now is either a sequel, or a remake, or a queer 80’s TV show.

OK enough ranting.

Super 8 (movie)
Genre? I guess you’d call it a Scifi/monster movie. It’s set in the early 80’s, which was a lot of fun. The main characters are all kids and they found a great, hilarious gang of child actors. Good story. Lots of good scary; not blood and icky scary; genuine suspense and surprise. Loved it. Saw it in the theater with Liz. We had a fight over where we were going to sit and who had to be forced to sit next to a stranger. I lost the first fight and won the second, but with bad grace. Liz like this movie just as much as me.


True Grit (movie)

Liz actually forced me to see this, which is quite weird… Liz twisting my arm to see a John Wayne remake? It’s like me bullying Liz into seeing Pride and Prejudice. But it turned out to be great. This movie also had a very fun to watch child actor (too bad she will probably grow up to be an addict) and old what's his name, the bad guy from Ironman, played the John Wayne role. Probably a lot better than John Wayne ever did. (Kind of like remaking a Johnny Cash song. You KNOW you can’t do it worse.) But seriously, old whats his name: he was a lot of fun to watch. Matt Damon was too, partly cause his character was such a dweebe. Its always fun when people lose their egos.

This post is Just about too long as it is. I'll tell you about the other movies and books on Wednesday.

Saturday, July 23, 2011



Here's a couple shots of the little shuttle ship that I posted last time, docking with the larger craft. Note the funky "bi" shape of its mouth on either end of the shuttle, for docking with the larger ship or with other shuttles, or with other shuttles already docked to the big ship. The large ship is not shown in its fully finished form, because I haven't finished that yet.

If you look carefully you can see black sketch lines where tunnels connecting the core of the big ship to the rim might eventually be. Also the rim of black circles represents locations for rocket engines, which would provide acceleration and also maintain consistent rotation. The large ship is meant to rotate continuously to simulate gravity in the rim section of the larger ship. I worked this out once... the big ship is about 240 feet in diameter, spins at like something around 50 Mph (on the rim) or so to create 1 G on the main level. A funky effect would be that since the radius at the main floor is 100 feet, and each floor is 10 feet above the previous floor, it means that every time you climb a set of stair to the next higher floor your weight would decrease 10%. If I'm 200 lbs on the main floor, I'm only 180 when I go upstairs. 160 or so above that. 10 stories 'up' would put you into the center of the ship where zero gravity lives.

The funky mouth shape is to facilitate docking. Do you remember in Apollo 13 (the movie) when they show the LEM docking with the CM? There's a smooth female funnel shape to the LEM side of the port, to make it hard for the Command Module pilot to miss. The shape I am showing is intended to one up that design. In the Apollo moon missions every move, every docking, etc could be planned out in minute detail on Earth, and the vehicles maximized and specialized for their tasks. Little flexibility was needed because the missions were only a week long or so. Visiting Mars will be about a 2.5-3 YEAR commitment and it makes sense for the vehicles to be much more versatile. That means everything ought to be able to dock with everything. Hence, male/female docking systems are a potential problem.

I show a double set of freely rotating bearings between the main body of each craft and its docking ports. Since the ... sigh... MOTHER SHIPs (what else should I call them?!) are always rotating these bearings are important because they will serve as a sort of rotational shock absorber as two ships rotating at different speeds make contact. The shape of the duck mouth ports, I think, will create a self guidance sort of effect during rendezvous. (big word). I imagine a two step docking process: a physical docking that locks the two ships together with the quadruple (two on each ship) series of bearings allowing a smooth, non ripping each other apart, exchange of rotational inertia, and then a second internal docking- a connecting and sharing of air pressure- after the two ships are stabilized relative to each other.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Funk Monk Chocolate Chunk!

Friday, May 6, 2011

Officially joined the local chess club and the FIDE tonight. It was time to either quit playing or take the game to the real world in stead of just the internet.

Played 3 rated games with the "unrated" players, and won them all. (Head ... expanding...!) Game 1 was against an 8 year old Asian kid. Game 2 was a solid game that I won fair and square in a bishop vs knight end game. Game 3 was also a good game, but the fella I was playing had a Doh! moment and fell behind a peice out of shear oops.

I dunno how much of my time life will allow for this real life, over the board diversion, but it was fun!
Kamsky beats Topalov!

The 2011 Canidate's tournament started yesterday. It's the top 8 chess players in the world Elite-Eighting it out for the right to challenge the reigning world champion Viswanathan Anand for his title. The tournament will last all month; May Madness in the chess world.

It's the top eight players in the world, I should say, after world champion Anand and Magnus Carlsen. I dunno why Carlsen is sitting it out this year. After Anand, he's either #2 or #3 worldwide.

Among the eight that are competeing we have Bulgarian Topalov, who almost took Anand down in 2010, Russian Kramnik, who Anand took the throne from in 2009 and Gata Kamsky- The American!- who had a shot in 2010 until Topalov handed him his face on a plate. Topalov and Kramnik are 1st and 2nd seeds respectively and Kamsky is #8, bottom of the pile.

But today, Kamsky defeated Toplov with black, becoming the first player to win a game in this tournament. The first rung in the tournament is only four matches long and today was Kamsky and Topalov's second match, the first being a draw yesterday. Kamsky needs only to draw both of the next two matches or win one to move into the Final Four and upset the second strongest chess player on the planet.

If Kamsky can go all the way, he will be only the second American world champion in history, the other being the famous Bobby Fischer.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Modeling Mars

So, for a while I have secretly wanted to have a globe of an alien planet. But you just can't find them. You can't even find a decent globe of this planet for cheap. Well, a while back, Jonni was making a volcano from a volcano kit (vinegar, baking soda, red food coloring. Plaster, paint etc.) And it occured to me that I ought to make my own globe of Mars. Me and the kids papermachied a ball, and I then coated it with sheet rock mud. It took days to dry, and then days more to wipe down to a smooth round finish. A couple days ago I spray painted it red and started painting in features, starting with the carbondioxide ice caps, just an hour or so ago. Here's the kids mugging with the Mars W.I.P. Here's a few of Erik with a ball of semi wet mud that we intend to be the moon (TO SCALE WITH MARS!!!!!) evantually:

And here is the globe itself, as is right now and the shot of the real thing that I am copying:

Sunday, April 10, 2011

The Dragons of Eden -Carl Sagan
King and Emperor- Harry Harrison
Changes-Jim Butcher
Holes-Louis Sachar
The Knight and Knave of Swords-Fritz Leiber
Goblet of Fire-JKR
A Short History of Nearly Everything-Bill Bryson
Cosmos-Carl Sagan
A Brief History of Time-Stephen Hawking

This is what I have had to climb over/around to reach my bed lately. Time to shovel the books back onto their shelves.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Today I was almost run over by a wide pedestrian who was looking over his shoulder as he was turning a corner. It was one of those human encounters that are common across all cultures and times. In India, China, New Zealand, Turkey, amongst the Cromagnon cave painters, ancient Aztecs, Africans, Victorian England, Samurais, pirates, Jews, Romans, vikings, midgets...everyone has those random encounters where you almost trample/get trampled by another person who wasn't there until they had invaded your personal space. And we all suck in and go up on tip toes and make "Wooooa!!" sounds as we pivot around each other.

And here is what I thought today when it happened:

"Crickey, that dude almost engulfed me! Close call that. Too bad there wasn't some way I could just move aside his atoms and walk through him or something like that, would be alot simpler than having to do that stupid don't-touch-me dance. Although, seriously, John, you should be way over the whole move-the-atoms-aside concept, you know that's impossible,

or at least if it was possible, it definitely wouldn't be easier that just dodging each other.

Yeah, true, true, what I really need is for that big dude to just have a giant hole in his chest big enough for me to dive through without touching the edges. That'd work good. Only... seems like kind of a stupid design for a person to just have a hole in them constantly. Maybe if it were more like a door, that could be opened and closed. That's better.

Like if he had hinges on the left side of his chest... it'd be kind of like a cat flap only in a person in stead of in a door. yeah. Why don't we have those? Plus think how much more convenient it would be for surgeons, if we had easily opened pockets, that would let you get at your guts and innards without having to use those dangerous knives. I guess you'd want pretty good seals on it, to keep out germs etc, or people would die all the time though.

But still... there might be a nice middle ground between a perfect seal, which I guess is just solid skin, like what we all have now, and a loose cat flap of muscle and blood, and... no... probably wouldn't, work would it? I suppose that's why no one has evolved any sort of body design with holes in it like that..."

Monday, March 21, 2011

It's one of those nights. When the essence of John Sever awesomeness starts to make my skin start to feel like maybe its not quite big enough to keep it all inside. Life is good. All muscles and brains and good looks. Summer is coming.

You get all wound up inside
Like the days were carved in stone
You get all wired up inside
And its bad to be alone
But you can go out, you can take a ride
And when you get out on your own
You get all smoothed out inside
And its good to be alone.

-Rush (who else?) Face up, Roll the Bones

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Chapter One of Ghost Story

Started it. Probably I'll wait for the paper version later. E+T, you haven't read Side Jobs yet have you? Next time we are in your vicinity I am forcibly loaning it to you.

Now that Ghost Story is semi released, I guess I now have enough objectying distance to be able to evaluate Changes. Not sure I liked Changes. Fah. Time for bed.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Erik met his kindergarten teacher to be yesterday. He gravitated to a large plastic dinosaur in the room.

"That's a stegosaurus" explained Mrs H.
"Right, that's one of the early dinosaurs." Erik replied.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Evil

Today, on the way to work, driving through the suprizingly unMarch like slush, I observed a small bird hopping across the road, frantically beating it's wings, almost, but not quite able to achieve flight, because it was soaking wet, and probably shivering with cold too.

Before I knew what I was doing, an huge smile split my face, and even though I was all alone in my car, my evil, satisfied snicker burst out, unbidden from my chest. Like this: "Hee Heh Heh Heh."

I won't tell what I thought on the way home, it was even eviler.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Welp, it appears that Facebook has disabled my account again. Only this time I don't even care enough to bother to bother any admin people to get it reacitivated... I was starting to not see much point of in it anyway. So COOL! Maybe now, when I feel like airing my thoughts online I will do it by composing a complete thought instead of trying to squish half a thought into the room it would take to put a quarter of a thought in that dumb little postage stamp text block they alot you. Heck. I might even string multiple thoughts together!


Plus the commericals on FB were getting more and more annoying. I mean, I like attractive women probably slightly more than the next guy, but I have to laugh. Because: "Lady- I can tell by the look on your face that you think you are a dangerous predator. But I have bad news for you: you are in your underwear. Not about rip out the jugular of the slowest gazelle out in the herd. You are way too wimpy to kill a gazelle. Even the chubby, wounded baby gazelle-ling could mug you. There are spagetti noodles with more muscle than you. Maybe you could catch a duck, if it was on land, and couldn't fly. You could possibly startle it into immobilty by flashing your bra and shorts at it, and then pounce, I guess, but even then, it'd be so much easier to just toss a few bread crumbs. In most parks I've been to, you'd have the whole flock surrounding you in seconds, and you would look a whole lot smarter that way."



Why aren't there more models like this?



Thursday, March 3, 2011

The other night I dreamed that Bobby Fischer was an ape of some kind. And I thought: this is going to be an interesting one for the major religions of the world to interpret. I mean if an ape can be the greatest chess player in the world, then I think you have to admit that apes have souls, and could go to heaven. Or hell for that matter. Which means they must also be children of God. Which makes us their siblings spiritually. Which just screws everything up, because where do you then draw the line? At chimps? Organutangs? Baboons? Monkeys? Lemurs? Possums? Rats? Do you really want to wind up in Rat Heaven when you are dead? Or Rat Hell? That's got a ring to it: Rathell! "I hope you burn in Rathell!"

I think kangaroos are awesome. The pouch thing. They can have a baby, and then put it back for a while. They can actually be partially pregant. That's a clever design. I think marsupials will take over the world and evolve intellegnce after humanity is extinct. They would be able to have way bigger brains than people, because the baby's could be born before the brain is totally done and full size. Humans are really a marginal design.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Updates-boring ones

Hi all.

This will probably be a boring read. I'd stop right here, if I were you, and go do something productive.


Idiot. I warned you. Some people, apparently, have to learn the hard way. Oh well.

What have I been up to? Other than designing spaceships? Speaking of such, I will someday, get around to explaining the screen shots below. But not right now. I need to get a CAD system of some sort at home, instead of modeling up stupid stuff suring the rare dead time at work. Google Sketch up is free, I might try that... I just hate the thought of junking up my PC with large software.

CAD, though, really is one of the best things about my job. I'm a CAD jockey. Designing/sketching in 3D is alot of fun. You know how you have half an idea in your head, and you scratch it down roughly on a napkin and think: "Yeah- I bet that might work mebbe...I wish I could just ..."and then you don't know what it is you wish you could do with it? CAD is what you want to do, but don't know the word for. (Unless you also are a CAD person, I mean.) It lets you scratch the what-if itch.

Hah! Around Christmas time Jonni got to visit me at work, and she asked if she could play around on my Pro-E (Cad system). She remembers the primitive bootleg student version I had for a while at home when she was a little kid. So I let her. Where the heck did I put the screen shots of her work? You'd get a wriggle out of em. Oh well they are around here somewhere....

Er... what else? Not much I guess. Life is gud.
If you haven't doubted, you probably haven't thought very hard about what you believe.
-George W. Bush

Monday, February 14, 2011

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

This one came to me while I was asleep the other night:

Why can't we hold judges partially responsible when people they sentance become repeat offenders? I mean, obviously the judge should have slammed them harder or more creatively the first time. Of course, this might only make the judge deliberately find the repeater Not Guilty. Hmmmm.

Monday, February 7, 2011

I've been designing spaceships again. New cad images to come soonish. It's one of the ways I get to sleep. I am sleepy now.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

I went to court the other day.

It was the fault of Liz because it was her car I was driving which did not have its proof of insurance in the vehicle at the time I got pulled over (but not ticketed) for speeding.

Court is hideously boring, of course, but this one started at 7pm and for some reason- possibly because I knew that all I had to do was flash my papers at the guy and go home- I just happened to be in exactly the right mood to enjoy being in court. That'll never happen again I am sure.

Since they did this stuff in alphabtical order (Idiots! that type of raw inefficency would get laughed out of town in the private sector- well not at Caterpillar, but that is why they tanked) it meant I got to sit through 2/3s of the evening proceedings just to wave my paper. But as I said, I was in the right mood. Plus I brought a book.

You have to walk up in front of everyone else in the court and face the judge when your name is called. This means that you have to turn you back on everyone else in the room. So I watched alot of rear ends. You can tell alot about a person by thier rear end. Actually, I doubt that that's true.

Alot of weed smoking charges, and tresspassing. If you smoke weed you have to go to weed class, unless you are too old for it. One guy was too old, but all the rest of the potheads were underage and were allowed to go to weedclass. They mostly looked like pot smokers. (Or at least their rears did.) Stereotypes become stereotypes for good reasons, I guess. The guy who was too old was allowed to go to adult weedclass.

The other popular charge was tresspassing. Apparently you aren't allowed in a certain park after dark. There is a great big sign right out front that says so. I know because the judge told every single tresspasser about it. (He was old, which explains it.) All the tresspassers were teenagers (but not weedsmokers) except one nice looking, plumpish, well dressed girl about 26ish, with sexy librarian glasses and a novel, who was in the park with a friend, who made her blush when she mentioned him, (I could tell from behind) after hours and hadn't seen the big sign out front, although the judge explained about it being there, in plain sight, even in the dark, to her. She was the only other person there with a book, besides me, that I saw.

One of the teachers from Jonni's school was there. Her last name comes after S, so I dont know what she was there for, dang it. But we exchanged smiles.

The person who was the most humilated, I think, was an adult woman who was charged with shoplifting cleaning products from Dollar General. What a lame crime! She looked likely to die of embarrasment.

The judge yelled at a slobbish looking fat black guy for driving an uninsured motorcycle for the millionth time. He claimed he was going to the hospital on it at the time and the judge said he didn't care because that was what he said the last time and the other time before that and so the judge no longer cared how sick the fat guy was, but would throw him in jail next time, and fined him $500. He was the only one I saw get yelled at. "I'll tell you right to your face" was the judge's opening line. I liked this because I hated the fat guy's T-shirt. It had that stupid angry cartoon baby with a football shaped head, wearing gangster bling (the baby on the shirt, not the fat guy). He should be in jail just for the shirt. Stupid fat guy. He was very fat indeed. I would think a motorcycle would be hard to ride when you are that fat.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Proposed Constitutional Amendment:

Take away from Congress the power to spend specific dollar amounts of $$. Instead they can only spend in terms of percentages of the yearly national budget.

In other words, Congressman Shmunchlover can no longer claim: “I fought to give $5 billion (of your) dollars to...(some high minded holy sounding bunghole project)”- Instead, he can only claim “I increased the percentage of our budget spent on blahblahfagityschma” This is good. Part of the reason the government spends so much is because spending other people's money is a cheap way for a Congressman to look good when they haven't done anything clever, ever.

After the congress has worked up their yearly budget based purely on percentages, the President has the responsibility of announcing how large that budget will be. This is the only time that anybody gets to name an actual $$ figure. This is good, because the bigger it is the bigger a jackleg the President will look like.

This system, I think, would really work. Thoughts?

The only problem is that a provision has to be made for emergencies, such as war and natural disaster. We can mandate that part of the yearly budget must be for disaster prep, but the nature of emergencies is that they are unpredictable. Someone will have to have the ability to declare a special ‘emergency’ tax, but there needs to be a strong check to keep that from evolving into a ‘Everyday is an Emergency’ deal. I’ll think on how to fix this…