Daily GUIDE-ance:

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Pleasure to Burn

Like, 5 or 6 years ago, when I had my finger on the pulse of cigarette advertisement trends (worked in a gas station) one of the foxy name brands- I think it was Camel- came out with a campaign where their cigarette packs all came with these kind of lame, retro 50's looking models, all with some slight nod to the present. One was a guy decked out to look like James Dean only he had a pager clipped to his belt. (yeah. I know. a pager? still pretty retro, really). Another was this dame in a poodle skirt serving up fastfood at a drive up, wearing roller blades.

Anyway, the tag line that appeared in red, flashy, slick lettering as the caption of each of these was: "Pleasure To Burn!"

A double reference, no doubt, meaning 1- lots and lots of pleasure and 2-burning camel brand cigarettes in your mouth.

What struck me then was: "Uhhh... I guess they don't get it? The Farenheit 451 reference?"

Opening line of Ray Bradbury's novel about a future where books are burned and thinking strongly discouraged:

It was a pleasure to burn.

It was a special pleasure to see things eaten, to see things blackened and changed. With the brass nozzle in his fists, with this great python spitting it's venomous kerosene upon the world...

Thursday, January 28, 2010

The Five R's: Steps of Correct Revenge

1) Recognition: You need to realize that you have been wronged.

2) Rage: You need to feel anger that you have been wronged.

3) Rebuke: You need to call out the scumbag. For some matters, it is best if you rebuke them in your heart only. For other more serious issues, it is nessecary to call out the person to their face, and possibly in public.

4) Retribution: For correct revenge, you must "get even". If they broke something of yours you must break something of equal or greater value of theirs. Sometimes this is not possible, for instance, if the other person is too poor to own anything valuable enough for you to break for full vengence in this life to take place. In this case, you need to exact a proxy retribution on that person's friends and family.

5) Rendering: You need to render the other person incapable of ever wronging you that way again. Sometimes people overlook this step, and this is very sad, because then it is not true revenge, and without this step you can never feel the peace that only complete revenge can bring. In fact, if you leave the other guy capable of repeating his previous mistake and he or she does, it actually invalidates all your revenge in that matter. And then you have to start all over with step 1 again.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Minor revalation

So... I've been sitting on something for a while... I've hinted here and there that I have been writing something. Welp. It's basically finished.

I had given myself the deadline of Christmas to put the wraps on it, so that I could present it to my brother Trent for the big day. I basically succeeded at the last minute (deadlines help me) and Trent got his copy. (It has some kind of for Trent significance)

However, after rereading it I determined that I wanted to do some more clean up before I call it done. But I actually like the results fairly well, and it is kind of a big milestone for me to have actually completed any sort of creative writing project. I dunno how people write whole books, its alot of effort.

So what is it? Its a short story that is mebbe pushing the bounds of a novella. 32 pages long (Ariel 10, single spaced). Genre: Sci Fi.

It's been sitting around since Christmas waiting for me to put the final polish on. I guess I need another dealine. I'm thinking end of Febuary? Anyhow. At that point, I guess I will dump it on anyone who wants to read it. Takers?

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Guess what TIME it is!!!?????

Saturday, January 9, 2010

We put the OGRE back in PROGRESS!!

This is going to be the motto of an agressive, mercilessly ungreen, ruthlessly captitalistic engineering company that I am going to start up.

Die, Solicitor, Die!

I can't remember if "No Soliciting" signs slowed me down or not when I was a missionary. So probably I just ignored them or not according to my mood at the time.

I designed this one in my sleep the other night. I think it would take maybe $1000 in set up fees to get a sign making company to create yard signs of these. But the cool thing would be to sell these door to door. It could be a genius marketing plan. Everyone you talk to will already be thinking: "Geeez I hate sales people. I ought to get a sign that says..." and then you hand them the product.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Swords to Panhandlers

Let me just qualify this whole thing by stating that it is 1:45 am... but this seems like such a flash of brilliance that I can't afford to sleep on it!

My friend Colista mentioned that she had some excess money recently, and I jokingly suggested that I use it to buy cigarettes and alcohol for the homeless. (Aside: I never give anything to homeless people, or the bell ringers. It's not that I worry I am enabling them in thier homelessness or their Salvation armying or whatever. That doesn't bother me. I just that I think... I could spend my loose change on myself. Or rather that I could horde it all. And to me that just feels more satisfying. More warm and fuzzy.)

But I was lying asleep in bed thinking... how hilarious it would be to actually give homeless people something like beer, or cigs. That I might actually spend money on. But then the little prud on the right shoulder butted in and objected on moral grounds, and I was forced, after some consideration, to admit that he had a point. Handing out addictive substances to the disadvantaged does smack of real cruelty and so of course it wrecks the whole point of the business which was to be funny. It'd be like going around and kicking homeless people in the groin. Which actually is pretty funny if you think about it. But to actually do it... not as funny then.

So what funny thing to give the homeless? Porn occured to me next but it has all the same problems.

That's when it came to me: Swords! What's wrong with swords? Nothing! They aren't addictive. They can't hurt anybody! (Please. Not really. Not anymore.) I've heard you can buy used swords cheap. Can't you just imagine the face of the guy with the cardboard sign at the intersection when you pull up and hand him a sword? In a scabbard with a belt and all. What's he gonna do, not take it? And later, what will the cops think? It's not illegal to wear a sword in the streets, is it?

So I am thinking my goal should be to pick a major US city and give a sword to every homeless man woman and child in it. I could start a charity to fund it. People would give me money to do it. All I'd need is a bucket and a bell. "Give to the homeless" would be all I'd say. "Give what?", is a question few people would ask.

Maybe I could make swords. A cardboard one might do almost as well.

I also had another brainwave whilst sleeping, about the perfect item to sell door to door, but I need to sketch it up first.

Sunday, January 3, 2010