Daily GUIDE-ance:

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Sympathy for the Devil

We all know that George Lucas is the devil right?

Is there any punishment strong enough for the man who demolished StarWars? The defining epic tale of my childhood? And then trashes Indiana Jones for an encore?

Really. The Star Wars! What could be worse? What crime against literature and storytelling would be more monsterous that that?

To get worse you'd have to take one of the great classics... like HUCKLEBERRY FINN, for example, and write some psychotic sequel where Tom, Huck and Jim all get kidnapped by a, like, a mad scientist or something on board some sort of sci-fi flying machine and sail it to Africa and have sword fights with lions and tigers and arabs.

Would you believe Mark Twain actually wrote a sequel to Huck Finn with that exact plot? I read it a while back. Tom Sawyer Abroad. Its the dumbest book ever! I suspect he wrote it during that period of his life when he was very short on funds. Yes. Incredibly stupid. I'm not exaggerating about the plot, that really was it. It's the first thing in a long time that has made me think I might someday forgive George Lucas. This really is the ultimate Bad Sequel. Breaking Dawn was mild compared to this. To out do this, we'd have to write The Bible Part 2 or maybe a bad sequel to the Declaration of Independance.

And Twain wrote another sequel: Tom Sawyer, Detective. I have to find it.


Brad Carter said...

I own all of the Tom Sawyer books, but haven't read those two. I'd like to someday, but it just seems pointless since I'm certain they're horrible. I think at least one of those books was written as Mark Twain was investing all of his money into a typesetting machine that would never work. It's so hard to believe he could be responsible for those.

Writers should be like Kurt Cobain and just end their lives before they start to suck. Kurt knew what he was doing.

Anonymous said...

You might as well read them. The one I read did have some Twain genius still peaking through in places, but over all it was sad ish.

You ought to read it just to say you did though. We all watched the star wars prequels even though after the first one it was pretty clear that they were bad


HTM said...

According to Wikipedia (unimpeachable source of whatever some anonymous poster wants to write about something), "Tom Sawyer Abroad is a novel by Mark Twain published in 1894. It features Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn in a parody of Jules Verne-esque adventure stories." I am to conclude that because it is a parody, it is OK that it is bizarre.

Anonymous said...

That would explain better using Tom Sawyer as an American segue in the League of Extraordinary Gentleman.

Big E.

Renae said...


Brad Carter said...

It was probably more like MT's publisher read the story and said, "Uh...it's okay, we'll call it a parody! Yeah that's it, a parody!"

Mark Twain's final attempt at a novel was The Mysterious Stranger, which is my favorite book. So even though George Lucas has sucked pretty bad these past couple decades, maybe he'll still do something really amazing that will blow us all away! But he'll probably just write Howard The Duck Part 2 or make a Jar Jar spinoff movie.

Anonymous said...

i am now going to read the mysterious stranger

and even as a parody its a tradgedy

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