Daily GUIDE-ance:

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Things I Don't Get: Part 3: Smoking

I could pretty much just stop with the title. I'm not here to point out the obvious.

When I was a kid about a million years ago, they had only just started putting those labels on cigarettes :"Warning: You will die." In highschool there were kids that smoked... they were kind of a clique. The jocks, the skaters, the geeks, the cheerleaders and the scumbags. It wasn't an insult, just kind of a moniquer. I think that back then it was less obvious that smoking was ignert. (Moniquer, ignert. what else can I spell?) Shoot, back then we all thought fag was an okay word, so clearly, what did we know? We said fag 100x more than we said the word internet ! Because there was no internet! (WoW! That's so wierd.) There were even successful adults that smoked back then.

But nowadays (I love being a wrinkled crabby old man!) smoking has gone so deeply out of style, that when I see a younger person smoking, I usually laugh a little bit. Because, it's like the shark said to the wounded penguin as it tried to swim away: "Come on!! Pleeease. Who exactly is it that you think you are fooling?" (Also, because I am a jerk that way, no question about it. It's all funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's HILARIOUS!).

Like I said, I think we can give a pass to old people (like older than me...) who smoke. They probably thought it was good for them when they started. But below a certain age... Sorry. I think we have to laugh at you.

Disclaimer: I wrote this in the middle of the night, under the influence of not sleeping, so if you have been personally insulted by this just be glad I didn't start in on my really cruel material like... like I have been writing and deleting for 10 minutes now because it's just that mean... nevermind.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

You know how, when Superman shaves,

he has to do it using a mirror to reflect his eye lasers back onto his face, because there are no razors sharp enough to cut his facial hair off? Well, I was wondering what happens when he accidentally makes eye contact with himself in the mirror while he's doing this? It'd be bad enough to get zapped by Superman's eye lasers, but imagine getting shot Directly In the eye! I'm sure it doesn't happen much now, but I bet it happened a couple times when he was learning how to shave. Why didn't Smallville address this issue? Idiots.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Took the bike out this morning.

There’s this bridge that reminds me a lot of the one over the river Styx, only narrower and in poorer repair, just outside of town. On it’s flip side is a lot of winding country roads, many Massive hills (I’d forgotten those were there until I was shifting), a donkey, a couple mildy breath taking vistas- breath borrowing maybe- Breath siphoning vistas- and the Unknown. Only that was this morning. Now I know where that road goes, so there’s less of the Unknown, and instead, I found a surprising but cool loop back home, which is good. And the loop back home was a lot more down hill. Passed a couple more biking guys on the down hill home. (Road bikes, helmets, spandex uniforms, sunglasses. Nothing wrong with that.) We saluted each other as we passed.

Back in town an hour after I left. Passed a swim meet and yard sales. Couple poor saps Working! Ha Ha Ha! Idiots!

I had many thoughts while I was out riding. I had a blast, by myself. Start of a perfect day…well we’ll see about the rest of the day, but so far, so good.

Took my MP3 player, which I usually don’t these days, but I have been having a sort of Guns and Roses revival lately and felt like it. And I suspect this guided my thoughts into sort of a retrospective mode.

My thoughts were as follows:

Do you remember when rock music was aggressive and the people we now call emo were just so many free lunches?

Do you remember when calling someone a fag was a good put down and not a hate crime? Political correctness is for fags.

When LOTR was a meaningless acronym and when RPG players were the persecuted underground?

Hmmm. Maybe those were all the thoughts I had. It seemed like more at the time. Oh well! Time for some FOOD!

OOOH- one more thought before I eat. The month of no chess paid off very well so far. I no longer feel like an addict. And when I do play I am much calmer (resulting in deadlier play!!!) and more able to reconize and learn from my errors. A glorious dawn awaits. Not a sunrise, but a galaxyrise.

Monday, July 5, 2010


While Liz was gone on vacation, I got so bored at night, what with the chess fast still on, that I found myself passing the time by writing long treatises on boring things. How boring? One about politics, one about economics and one about religion. Yeah.

The first one was a letter I wrote to a guy I knew about 20 years ago who sent me a friend request on facebook because he is running for congress. (yes That congress). So I looked up his political views online to see if they were any good. They turned out to be annoyingly vague and ambigious, so I figured, since I know the guy (or did once, enough for him to FB me), that I would try to touch base with him and ask for some specifics.

Welp, he never responded, which, is fine I suppose, but I haven't even gotten an automated "Gorg, Gorg, Gorg, we acknowledge your presence, blah, blip, I am actually an electronic secretary, shpa, noy hummmmm..." Coming up on 2 weeks now. So I find this annoying. I'd probably find it less annoying if so many people I know on FB hadn't signed on to his campaign based on the miniature amount of information he gives about his views online.

So here's what I wrote him. I can't blame you for not reading it, it looks dirt boring even to me, but here it is anyway. I wonder if I should accept this guy's friend request, just so I could repost my questions on his public wall?

I've read your three Key Issues and could use some clarification. In fact, I think anyone reading them would have similar questions.

1) You describe yourself as a "Fiscal Conservative", which is a bit like telling us you have one blue eye. We all immediately want to know what's up with your OTHER eye! So how about putting some easier to find info up on your web pages about your views on Social issues, especially on the “Life vs Choice” abortion debate. Also helpful would be your views on the definition of marriage. Would you have voted for the recent Health Care reform? Do you consider Health Care reform to be a social or fiscal issue?

2) Interested to know your views on Energy Policy. What do you think of Obama's handling of the BP crisis? And- I mean this last question in all seriousness- Can you give a scientific definition of the term “Watt”? As a professional engineer working in the energy industry, I see a lot of simple, technical ignorance of basic, high school level concepts evident in too many governmental policy decisions. A congressman making energy policy without a practical understanding of this basic term is like a board member voting on the allocation of funds without really knowing what a “dollar” is.

I’m a Missouri voter, (not in your district unfortunately). I’d like to support you, but your web pages don’t really tell enough about you as a potential congressman. I came away from reading them with more questions than when I started. I applaud your call for openness and clarity in government, but I’d have to have more clarity on who you are politically to consider supporting you. I’m all about independent thinking, but can you please post what some of your independent thoughts are?

So that’s it from John the Missouri Citizen.

Then there was a small amount of blabber of a minor, personal nature.