Daily GUIDE-ance:

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Know what'd be Kool?

You know how people are always like: "ooo0O- What if there's intellegent life on another PLANET?!"

You know what I say? "Who cares about that?!" Because, you know why? It'd be even kooler if there turned out to be intellegent life at the bottom of the Ocean!!!! They say we know more about the moon than we do about the ocean floor. And don't give me that crap about dolphins and whales being intellegent, they aren't. Whales are so dumb they don't know enough to realize they deserve to be hunted to extinction! And dolphins suck. They're like the unicorns of the sea. They are for 14 year old girls who like pink. I like em in my tuna. Dolphins! Whatever. Get a life sissy.

No what I am talking about is like a giant giant squid thing that lives to be 10,000 years old, and they are the ultimate bottom feeders, so that no one ever ever knows they are there. They eat dead dolphins and whatever else doesn't float. And they glow all by them selves. But they have extra tentacles, like tentacles ON their tentacles. And they swim down inside under water volcanos and suck energy off the heat from the core of the earth. And they have all kinds of free time to think and experiment because every thing, evantually winds up on the bottom of the Ocean, some day, so they know alot about us from our garbage. And they have dolphin slaves. And they have technology, powered by volcanos and tides and they are building radio attenas to hack into our internet, and they are learning english. And they find out about people like me who know about them and subjugate them via blackmail if they can. And the pirates that we hear about are actually, some of them, getting paid off by the squid people. And they are going to evantually kill off humans, not because we are screwing up thier eco system, beacuse to them more dead stuff in the water is great, but they are going to kill us just because they like to watch us suffer. Plus then they can steal our technololgy.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Buncha Looshers

The guy who died just before the Olympics started... he was in that wierd sport that I can't spell. But I find the pronunciation of it hilarious. I heard it on the radio. The news commentator talking about the other "looshers" honoring this "dead loosher" by wearing black tape on thier helmets and what not. The radio chic was serious, but I had to laugh. It sounds like she was mildly drunk and trying to call them all loosers.

I wonder who will be the gold medal loosher?

Sunday, February 7, 2010

You can choose a ready guide in some celestial voice

If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice

So... The usual interpretation of this is as kind of a remonstration against being indecisive. But I think it's actually a defense in favor of those of us who chose not to chose. You see, we also, have chosen.

I'm a genius.