Let me just qualify this whole thing by stating that it is 1:45 am... but this seems like such a flash of brilliance that I can't afford to sleep on it!
My friend Colista mentioned that she had some excess money recently, and I jokingly suggested that I use it to buy cigarettes and alcohol for the homeless. (Aside: I never give anything to homeless people, or the bell ringers. It's not that I worry I am enabling them in thier homelessness or their Salvation armying or whatever. That doesn't bother me. I just that I think... I could spend my loose change on myself. Or rather that I could horde it all. And to me that just feels more satisfying. More warm and fuzzy.)
But I was lying asleep in bed thinking... how hilarious it would be to actually give homeless people something like beer, or cigs. That I might actually spend money on. But then the little prud on the right shoulder butted in and objected on moral grounds, and I was forced, after some consideration, to admit that he had a point. Handing out addictive substances to the disadvantaged does smack of real cruelty and so of course it wrecks the whole point of the business which was to be funny. It'd be like going around and kicking homeless people in the groin. Which actually is pretty funny if you think about it. But to actually do it... not as funny then.
So what funny thing to give the homeless? Porn occured to me next but it has all the same problems.
That's when it came to me: Swords! What's wrong with swords? Nothing! They aren't addictive. They can't hurt anybody! (Please. Not really. Not anymore.) I've heard you can buy used swords cheap. Can't you just imagine the face of the guy with the cardboard sign at the intersection when you pull up and hand him a sword? In a scabbard with a belt and all. What's he gonna do, not take it? And later, what will the cops think? It's not illegal to wear a sword in the streets, is it?
So I am thinking my goal should be to pick a major US city and give a sword to every homeless man woman and child in it. I could start a charity to fund it. People would give me money to do it. All I'd need is a bucket and a bell. "Give to the homeless" would be all I'd say. "Give what?", is a question few people would ask.
Maybe I could make swords. A cardboard one might do almost as well.
I also had another brainwave whilst sleeping, about the perfect item to sell door to door, but I need to sketch it up first.