Daily GUIDE-ance:

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Last Meal

Isn't it kind of wasteful to give people on Death Row the "last meal"? Wouldn't it be better to donate that food to homeless people? So if you are a bum reading this, a good way to get a free meal might be to go to Death Row and ask the prisoner who is about to get fried if you can have his chicken, because, you know...

Also, if you are on Death Row, you really ought to think about giving away your last meal to someone who needs it more than you.

On the other hand, if you are selfishly eating your last meal, you should request that it be something really really unhealthy like blubber fried in lard, because- duh. On the other hand again, what if you get a last minute reprieve from the governor, and you have already eaten your lard?

If you are about to get the chair, another thing you ought to do is slide around in just your socks and when the guards come to get you, give them the biggest static electric shock you can.

Also, if they ask you if you have any last words, it might be good to ask if they have a time limit and then filibuster.

Also, when they strap you in but before they do anything else, you should go:

"GUH-UH-UH-UH-AAAAAA-AAAAA-AAAAAAA-AAAAAA-AAAAAA!" really loud, and shake as hard as you can, like the machine had gone off early by mistake. It might make them stop and waste some time checking it out, and it might gross someone out enough that... I dunno.

Or you could pretend to be someone else.

11 comments:

Dana Cheryl said...

Another issue that needs to be addressed is why oh why is it necessary to put soon to be executed prisoners on "death watch" for 72 hrs prior to execution just to ensure they don't kill themselves? Also why is it that prisoners can't refuse medical treatment when they're on death row? 300 dollars a month for prescription cholesterol reducers for a guy who's gonna be executed shortly...

timpani76 said...

Because suicide is a sin? I seriously think this might be a catholic crossover thing.

I think the last meal is more "the last thing you'll ever enjoy on earth" kind of thing. And, food is not a sin, unlike other things they might want to be their last thing to do on earth.

Patrick said...

I think Timpani is right John! C'mon think for once. You come up with some of the WIERDEST things to right on your blog! But, than again, that's why I like your blog I guess.

Dana Cheryl said...

I'm thinking that some sort of sin is what landed these folks on death row so I can't imagine how one more could be a big deal. lol! Of course it's possible that I'm just to practical in this matter. :)

I also read that the whole gourmet last meal idea is all myth. It's more like if an inmate requests Lobster they get a fish sandwich kinda thing.

Btw, I totally loved this blog entry. It was one of those things that makes ya go hummmmm entries. Those are often my favorite. :)

Eyepoke said...

Danke!

Eyepoke said...

The suicide watch thing and the bizzarre way the walking dead are handled to me is a symptom of how poorly adjusted we are as a society to death. It makes our culture very nervous and so the culture do really irrational things when we get close to it.

Death is a fact of life. But as a culture we are all still deathly (ha) afraid of it.

Well, it is scary, but ... look at the way pop media worships youth. No celeb can ever age, or act married, or do anything that would distinguish them from "freshman in college" level of maturity.

Am I better adjusted mentally to death than the average soul?

I dunno. Maybe.

Patrick said...

I think Dana has a point. But I don't think this means that one more sin isn't gonna hurt, but I think the point is that anyone that's sinned that much isn't really gonna care. Whatever.

By the way John, what's with the big obvious button at the top of your blog that does nothing bring up a window that says "Please do not touch this button again!" whenever I click on it? What's the deal? Is someone gonna die everytime I click?

Dana Cheryl said...

Patrick I think you pretty much summed up my intent. Thanks! :)

If that button really does kill folks then I think J has a business in the making. There's a guy at work that'll knock off troublemakers for 20 bucks & a bag of Skittles. J you could charge at least twice that much to the government & take care of all the inmates on the row...

Eyepoke said...

http://johnseverfanclub.blogspot.com/2008/07/free-good-ideas.html

You remember my idea of auctioning off the priviledge of getting to pull the trigger right?

Dana Cheryl said...

Yes I do remember that! lol

Patrick said...

NO ONE ANSWERED MY QUESTION!!!