Daily GUIDE-ance:

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Pet Dispenser

You know those stupid coin-operated machines at Pizza Hut, where you throw in a buck or so and activate a claw postioned over a bunch of cheap stuffed toys? You joystick the claw around and once every year or so someone snags a Buzz Lightyear, right?

Check out this concept: If you have the capital to invest, feel free, you might get rich.

Get one of those machines, but put it in the pet store in the mall. Fill it up with gerbils, hamsters, kittens, puppies, etc.

So maybe you think this is too inhumane? You could do it as an aquarium, with a net instead of a claw. Call it Net-A-Fish!

Not inhumane enough? Ok, why not stuff all the puppys, parrots, mice etc in a gum ball machine? You throw in $2.00 in quarters, crank the knob, and the floor drops out on your next pet, he falls 8 inches or so to where you can stick your hand in and grab him. You could do this with the fish too if you want, just for laughs, I guess.

I went to the store
to get more
to start the war

oooh! What about a machine that for a quarter makes a moderately loud bang? But For 2 quarters it makes an extra loud one? And for 3 it gets even louder? and for 100 it's very loud indeed. I'm sure someone would have to dump in thier life savings just to see what would happen. Or if it was a blast of fire instead, or something.


Brad Carter said...

How about once you pick the pet up, it randomly chooses whether to drop it into the chute so you get it or it drops it into a vat of acid.

Or maybe not randomly. Instead it asks you a 7th grade level math question.

Gerardo said...

I can't believe that anyone could be so cruel! You deserve to be boiled in your "vat of acid" - both of you unfeeling hoodlems!

I love all animals. I would lay down my life to save one of God's beautiful crations. Once I saw a punk torturing a poor defenseless kitty cat, so I tied him to a tree, shaved his head, superglued his feet to the ground, and punched him in the face. I'd like to do that to you.

Don't you have any love in your soul? My blessed Grandmother taught me to love animals as Jesus would. I saved a turtle from a train once. I love animals and respect their freedom. I have 20 cats and 5 birds -uncaged of course,- and I have 4 dogs, and a bunny rabbit. You don't deserve any pets you mean hearted crank bait!

Eyepoke said...

Hey Gerardo, if you would lay down your life to save on of God's beautiful crations why don't you do so?

"My blessed Grandmother taught me to love animals as Jesus would."

Ha! I bet your grandmother taught to you to suck eggs!

Besides, Do you know what the first thing Jesus asked after coming back from the dead: "Have ye any meat?" (ok one of the first things)

Just because you watsed my time I am going to go dedicate the painful death of my cat to You, Geraldo. No, I think instead I will lay out some rice for the birds, uncooked of course, and dedicate all thier explosions to you!!!! Die you pigS!

Nice one Renae!

Renae said...

Hee hee!

timpani76 said...

I think if you put all those animals in the same glass box together, the real entertainment would be them all trying to eat each other. Especially if they were all fighting for the same food/water etc.