Daily GUIDE-ance:

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Logging in


Still here. Not alot to add to the stack lately, but I figure it's only fair to give my public a brief taste of ME.

Went out in public today. Grocery-ing. I have said it before, and I will say it again: Girls just don't get it. I practically had to elbow good looking women out of my way just to get down the aisles. There's tons of them. It doesn't take nearly as much as most girls think it does to be good looking.

On a related note, one of the wierdest things about aging (which I am doing like a fine wine, I must say) is the expansion of the attractiveness age bracket. 17-40, all might give me mild whiplash. Thank goodness I am married and don't have to actually try to sort any of this stuff out into a realistic plan of attack. Who has that kind of time and energy?

*an injun from Injea just bothered me on the phone. I didn't even have the heart to mess with him. What's the point when all his cultural ques are based in a land where God has six heads and is an elephant, and he doesn't even speak the language really anyway? What could I do? A thick Forrest Gump accent would be completely lost on him. I guess I could just be blantantly insulting:

"Es thees joan severe?"
"Chew a leper, Queerbait! Cows suck!"

but there is no subtlely there. Its depressing. *

Welp, good enough. Oh hi to Jess, who swung by the other day (in a virtual sense). Gosh, she's 17 now!! I've known her since she was a kiddo.

Hi to Patrick also. (liz's brother) The guy in my basement found some of the growth serum that I didn't flush, thanks to your lousy advice, and he wreaked merry havoc all over before I could get him with 14cc's of tranquilizer. Lucky for me he was still fairly sedated at the time... If he had really gotten lose it could have been very nasty indeed. Thanks a heap Patrick, for the bad advice! I am back to flushing it now, it seems safer. Maybe if I found a shrinking potion and mixed em before I flushed em...

Now I have this giant bean stalk in the yard though. I wonder what i could get in barter for some of it's seeds. Maybe I could get the green car street legal again. I'll take a handful of magical beans down to the DMV someday and say to the grouchy woman there : "Dew yew knew haaw many Beeeans makes five?!"


Brad Carter said...

So did you take paper or plastic?

timpani76 said...

You know, the older I get, the more males under the age of 30 look like kids to me. Hmmm, not saying you are a dirty old man or anything, just saying I think men and women are different that way.

I hate talking to people with accents on the phone since I sooooooo stink with accents anyway (what with not hearing very well) and I don't like talking on the phone in general.

Keep us posted on your weird experiments!

Renae said...

I'm a moron! I posted a comment that I thought I was attaching to this post, but it turns out I attached it to the one on Saturday. DORK! Here, I'll paste it:

I thought we were keeping "Randy" a secret. Since when do you experiment on him and then blab?!

Yeah, I am pushing the age for attractiveness up every year, aren't I. But come on, I am your sister! I know it doesn't take much, well not for me anyway. I quit brushing my teeth years ago so as not to overwhelm folks when I go out. The general public would not be able to handle it if I unleashed the full extent of my ravishingness on the world at large. The crimes of passion, the covetousness, the sheer madness that would ensue... You would need to perfect "Randy" and send him out to restrain people, so we could get some kind of peace. The sacrifices I make for humanity's sake!

May 20, 2009 9:14 PM

timpani76 said...

Are we going to see John's perspective on the flooding?

Eyepoke said...

Plastic, because I am against dinosaurs.

No, on flooding.

Patrick said...

Hey John!
My advice was just to not flush the stuff. I said nothing about leaving it lying around. Thus it was not my fault. I'd suggest you take any leftovers to a proper toxic waste manegment center.