Thursday, December 24, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Also, if you are on Death Row, you really ought to think about giving away your last meal to someone who needs it more than you.
On the other hand, if you are selfishly eating your last meal, you should request that it be something really really unhealthy like blubber fried in lard, because- duh. On the other hand again, what if you get a last minute reprieve from the governor, and you have already eaten your lard?
If you are about to get the chair, another thing you ought to do is slide around in just your socks and when the guards come to get you, give them the biggest static electric shock you can.
Also, if they ask you if you have any last words, it might be good to ask if they have a time limit and then filibuster.
Also, when they strap you in but before they do anything else, you should go:
"GUH-UH-UH-UH-AAAAAA-AAAAA-AAAAAAA-AAAAAA-AAAAAA!" really loud, and shake as hard as you can, like the machine had gone off early by mistake. It might make them stop and waste some time checking it out, and it might gross someone out enough that... I dunno.
Or you could pretend to be someone else.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
I was hoping that some one from church or a cop or someone would stop by and ask why my power tools were covered in blood but no one did.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Oh hey Brad, this one has a payphone in it!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
I guess its a pretty old story now, (like I care) but in 2004 or 2003 someone important made a list of them. I noticed it because The Book of Mormon was one of them. I then browsed the list out of curiosity. I've read three of them it turns out, including the BOM.
The Narrative of the life of Frederick Douglas was one of them, which is possibly the best thing I have ever read. The other one was Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand, which I read along time ago because Rush's 2112 album has a dedication to her. I dunno what was so awesome about it. It was ok I guess. The thing I remeber most about it was that the main character (a chic) slept with literally Every Single (and married) Male character of any significance in the book. And at the end, when she picks one of them for keeps, and the whole cast settles down to build Utopia together, all these guys never ever experience a twinge of jealousy toward each other, which is beyond silly, obviously.
The Bible was not on the list and neither was Darwin's Origin of Species. So I guess you have to take the whole thing with a grain of NaCl.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Except the Harry Dresden short stories, which are scattered through out a bunch of books and are happily, terribly hard to find. (Will take longer that way) Speaking of hard to find end of serieses, I finally read Dominion (alas, I will never again, in this life, read a Saberhagen Dracula for the first time). Dominion was not my favorite. Oh well. I am currently reading Starship Troopers, and I like it. Heinlien. He was good.
But frankly, I miss Harry Dresden.
And I started writing something. I actually finished enough to let Liz read some. She praised it. Will pass it on in the event that I succeed in finishing it. Real writing is so much more work than babbling on the blogosphere. Hence, what am I doing right now?
Ah Halloween is apon us. Sadly, I have not been able to make many sacrifices to the dark gods this year... sick wife. It looks like I won't get to do my haunted treasure hunt party, mebbe... although I haven't ruled it out yet entirely. But it would have to be post Halloween, I fear, at this point. Last year was such a blast.
Friday, October 9, 2009
He's going to take a swing at you
You're going to need to duck
That will make him angry
and you'll need to climb a tree.
He'll try to climb up after you
So you'll want to climb up even higher
He won't be able to go that high
and he'll fall down
He won't like that
And he'll probably try to knock the tree down
This will make you fall
You'll be able to grab a twig...
and another twig
-and accidentally knock down a beehive!
The bees won't like that
The hive will fall on the bear
The bees will race him to the nearest lake
and you will be able to climb down.
And get the Honey!
You'll take the honey to your tent
and eat it on some crackers
a bear will probably smell it
and want some
He will probably startle you
and you might accidentally give him a black eye
and chances are
If you give him a black eye...
He's going to take a swing at you.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Best line from Blood Rites (BK6):
"Who the hell are you?!"
"I the hell am Harry."
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
gorgle gorgle gorgle gorgle!
I have no idea how long it takes this sort of thing to process. Years?
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
I tend to insomnia. In a small way. I usually wake up 3 times a night, including the one in the morning that sticks. If I encourage these wakings up, by say, getting out of bed, and going for a run or reading or some such, it usually means I am doomed for the next couple nights to wake up at that same time with a body that's all like: "I'm up! Time for Harry Dresden!" Or cake, pizza, a run, whatever it was that I did the night before. If I give in, then the next night I am doubly hosed and unable to sleep... a self enforcing behavior.. The defense is to Not get out of bed, but just lay there, in the darkness, until I finally crash out of sheer boredom.
But they only way I can lay still is if the mind has something to fiddle with in the wee. Usually I fall asleep by giving the mind something to fiddle with. When I was a kid (I've been doing this forever, but only just lately noticed it. One advantage of getting old-(36 now)- you get to know yourself) When I was a kid, 9x out of 10 I imagined Star Wars stuff. I was a jedi, facing down D.V. or some such.
Lately its been... a variety of things. The one I wanted to mention here is relativity.
I'm no relativity expert, I am a casual dabbler. One of my mythical beasts that I casually hunt from time to time is an attempt to understand Einstein's relativity. I don't get it, I'm not smart about it, but I'd like to be.
One of the ramifications of it is, of course, time dilation. This is the bit about how if you travel at speeds close to light speed time slows down for you, so that a journey that appears to every one else to take you 100 years to complete only takes you like 4 years or some such. The Twin paradox, perhaps you have heard of? One twin stays on earth and ages while the other takes a space voyage and comes home a year older, and finds his brother an old old man. It's also how come superman was a baby when he got here from Krypton. (which is pretty much the only sci fi I can think of that doesn't just blow relativity off)
From our point of view, we see the stars, not as they are now but as they were hundreds of years ago, or thousands, or dozens, or 8 minutes ago if you are talking about The Sun, because that's how long light takes to make the trip to us.-
-Thats from Our point of view. But from the point of view of the light... from the point of view of the light how long does it take?
At least that's the way I understand the Lorentz thing. Maybe I have it all wrong. I wish I had a relativity expert that I could bounce questions like this off of, but I don't. Seems like I remember reading that Einstein said that there were only about a half a dozen people besides himself who ever really understood relativity anyway. Maybe someday I will take a class in modern physics just to get my skull blow open.
Started Harry Dresden III today! I have a couple candidate best lines from it already and I am only 15% into it.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
So I spend yesterday morning in the clinic, getting Erik checked out. Ear infection. Antibiotics. The doc said what the Yyfarn you and Jonni look like you ought to be on them too. I got a mormon to go fill our prescriptions for us, since Erik was not really up to gratutitttuios traveling. (love the mormons). He ran a fever most the day, and really Liz is the doctor around here, so I am starting to crack... plus I myself am technically sick too.
Today we are beating a retreat to Grandma Bryan's house. Feeling very lucky to have her around. I got lucky in the family department.
Today Erik is much better fever wise, BTW.
No new news on Liz. Still in hospital. Haven't gotten far into Proven Guilty, but I am getting the sense from it that maybe I should take everyone's advice and go back to Fool Moon and get caught up.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
They dont think she has a flu! Wierd.
Yes yes I'm emotionally traumatized, cauterized, synthesized, oversized, supersized, anethteized, pulervized, polarized, criticized, civilized, liquidized, eyeball eyes-ed.
So she's spending the night there, Im at home. Just got home. 12:30 am now. Church people have been here helping with kids. The mormons around here are really great scthuff. Gotta say.
Doing tests. I'll clue you all in when we know something.
Harry Dresden Rules!!
I finished my third Harry D since my birthday in August tonight. 3 harrys in 4 weeks. And I have one more to go waiting for me. After that, I have drained the local library and may have to buy some.
Summer Knight was the one I just finished. And Timpani you are totally crazy if you think that there is no action by chics in these books. There's tons!!!! You are obviously prejudiced against men.
Best Line from Summer Knight: (and there are many places where I have just tossed the books down and laughed out loud)
"I don't believe in Faeries!"
Best Line from Dead beat was:
"Polka will never die!"
I'm not sure what the best line from Storm Front was. I'll get back to you on that.
The one on deck is Proven Guilty. I am not into reading things in order, unless you mean order of availability.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Anyhow, Butcher does well, so far. I just picked up another of these books and I have so far only read two paragraphs of it and I have to credit him, for those two paragraphs with the best opening I have read in along time. (For the record, the my very favorite closing line ever is Robert Heinlien's Have Spacesuit Will Travel.)
From Dead Beat:
"On the whole we're a murderous race.
According to Genesis, it took as few as four people to make the planet too crowded to stand, and the first murder was a fratricide. Genesis says that in a fit of jealous rage, the very first child born to mortal parents, Cain, snapped and popped the first metaphorical cap in another human being. The attack was a bloody, brutal, violent, reprehensible killing. Cain's brother Abel probably never saw it coming.
As I opened the door to my apartment, I was filled with a sense of empathetic sympathy and intuitive understanding.
For freaking Cain."
On a side note, Liz and I were at Borders today, and I saw a book called Pride and Predjudice and Zombies. I slipped it into the New Moon display at the front of the store. He He He.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
At 10:30am she collapsed, experincing unusual dizziness and nausea. She called me at work just before this happened, and I rushed home. I found her on the floor, breathing shallowly and semi-coherent. I called 911, paramedics arrived and we spent the remainder of the day at St. Clare's Hospital in Fenton. A series of tests were run, including a CAT scan. They found her blood pressure and fluids to be low, but nothing in the way of a blood clot or other concrete explanation for her symptoms.
At about 6 pm the RN asked her to try to stand up. After about 60 seconds, she became faint and breifly lost conciousness. They rested her and ran IV fluids to her for until about 9:30pm, at which time she was able to stand long enough to be discharged. Her instructions are to rest for a few days and see what happens.
Oh. Also she has a somewhat broken leg. That happened about a week and a half ago. I beat her up. Okay actually no, that's not what happened, what really happened was she stepped off the back porch and somehow broken her leg doing it. It's only about a 6 in drop, so... me beating her up sounds more likely I guess... Anyhow Not sure if there is a connection between the leg and the dizziness, and neither are the doctors at the ER, so Liz's real doctor is working on it. That's all I know.
This is basic Liz for you, BTW. Her MO is dramatic injury. Rheumatic fever for all of 2008. Two crazy bad pregnacies. Kidney stones. And did I mention that she once spent most of a year disabled with a broken toe? She just kept breaking the same one over and over and over. Its as if a sorcerer has stolen her karmic identity and has taken it on a crime spree... he commits a bunch of heinous crimes, Liz gets all the astral backlash. So Liz is not really up to doing anything that involves sitting up or standing or walking, and I am kind of tied down right now as her babysitter.
(this post was peiced together from various emails, since I don't have the energy to write it all up AGAIN)
So, more tests this week. I'll letcha know.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
It was way good, much better than I had expected! A touch derivitive mebbe, a hair predictable, but still great. Fighting, Fencing, Enchantments, Monsters, True Love, hidden identities... And Galbatorix finally had a line of dialogue!
I'm actually jazzed to get the next and final book. Will Roran wind up as the third Dragon Rider? I kept expecting that, but it didn't happen (sorry if I am spoiling anything, here for anyone who hasn't read the book). If not Roran, who? Arya? What about Shurikan? Is he evil or just a slave? What if it turns out that Shurikan is the evil mastermind and Galbatorix is his slave? I don't think it will play out that way, but it would be a clever twist. Third egg: is it a boy or a girl? Assuming Thorn survives and Shurikan dies, and the third egg hatches into a dragon, doesn't that make for an awkward love triangle amongst the three remaining dragons?
Anyhow. The 4th book probably won't come out for a century anyway.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
I also blazed through a couple things on tape in the meanwhile, notably an Agatha Christie. I'm new to her, but I am impressed.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
What a Git! You think she would at least give me credit for having made it up out of my own head! What a splattergoit! Well I am never ever going to visit her stupid stealing webpage at http://renylousworld.blogspot.com/ ever again, and I advise you to aviod it like the plague also. What a complete chimpanzee! I hate her! What a gibwallow! What a snight! What a flopwopper! An appledropper! An unmerited latrine breath! http://renylousworld.blogspot.com/ sucks!!!!
How I Hate Her!
Monday, July 20, 2009
So, a few words from the Other Neil, as sort of a tribute... It seemed appropriate to the spirit of the Apollo astronauts:
Words by neil peart, music by geddy lee and alex lifeson
Hold your fire --
Keep it burning bright
Hold the flame'til the dream ignites --
A spirit with a vision
Is a dream with a mission
Spirits fly on dangerous missions
Imaginations on fire
Focused high on soaring ambitions
Consumed in a single desire
In the grip of
A nameless possession --
A slave to the drive of obsession --
A spirit with a vision
Is a dream with a mission...
It's cold comfort
To the ones without it
To know how they struggled --
How they suffered about it
If their lives were
Exotic and strange
They would likely have
Gladly exchanged them
For something a little more plain
Maybe something a little more sane
We each pay a fabulous price
For our visions of paradise
But a spirit with a vision
Is a dream with a mission...
(aside: Geddy Lee- that geeky Jewish kid, one of the most influential Bass players... how cool is that?)
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Check out this concept: If you have the capital to invest, feel free, you might get rich.
Get one of those machines, but put it in the pet store in the mall. Fill it up with gerbils, hamsters, kittens, puppies, etc.
So maybe you think this is too inhumane? You could do it as an aquarium, with a net instead of a claw. Call it Net-A-Fish!
Not inhumane enough? Ok, why not stuff all the puppys, parrots, mice etc in a gum ball machine? You throw in $2.00 in quarters, crank the knob, and the floor drops out on your next pet, he falls 8 inches or so to where you can stick your hand in and grab him. You could do this with the fish too if you want, just for laughs, I guess.
I went to the store
to get more
to start the war
oooh! What about a machine that for a quarter makes a moderately loud bang? But For 2 quarters it makes an extra loud one? And for 3 it gets even louder? and for 100 it's very loud indeed. I'm sure someone would have to dump in thier life savings just to see what would happen. Or if it was a blast of fire instead, or something.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Hey John, I'm wondering if you cared or felt sad when Douglas Adams died. And if so, can you relate that to why people care so much about Michael Jackson dying?I'm still with you on not caring about MJ. I don't see why he's the "king of pop" either. He had a few awesome songs in the 80's, but so did a lot of other people. Many other artists have had a LOT more hits than him and, in my opinion, made much better music than he did. What makes him so special, other than the nightly news demanding (24/7 it seems) that we be sad about him dying.
July 3, 2009 3:13 PM
Hmm. No, I wasn't all that ripped up when DNA died. Suprized. I dunno... I guess, yeah I liked his work alot, but I never met him or knew him... So yeah, sad on a certain level, but definately not to the point of holding a candlelight vigil or anything.
And here, really, is the BIG difference between DNA's passing and jackson's. DNA had actual fans, who had some sort of connection with him through his work. I don't know anyone who cares one way or another about MJ. He was just another annoying celebrity nobody. I've never even heard of anyone who cares about MJ. So why all the idiot hype from the media, as if anyone did care?
When was the last time he put out any music? When was the last time he was anything but kind of a sad laughing stock? (And a certifiable mental case. Probably the only thing that stood between him and the psychiatic treatment he needed was the fact that he was mindbogglingly rich.) So why, all the sudden, all the hype and non-stop coverage?
DNA on the other hand got very little coverage from the media, which is fine, because all the hype MJ gets is really, I think, disrepectful to the dead and the family. Let them make their peace in peace.
July 4, 2009 7:17 AM
That was a good question. I guess I'll have to write that up into an actual post.
Friday, July 3, 2009
This is the last of the Fred Saberhagen Dracula books. Not the last in the series, but the last one I will get to read for the first time. In other words I have read the other 9, there are only 10 of them and he can't write any more because he is now dead. So finding Dominion is Significant.
I also picked up another Saberhagen Berserker book. Speaking of which, I saw the new Terminator a while back (I liked it!) but pretty much every Sci-Fi concept in it was already invented and used by Saberhagen decades ago.
Terminator robots: Saberhagen is credited with having invented the killer robot with his Berserkers.
A secret code that overrides the Termintors/Berserkers? Yep Saberhagen wrote that. The code turning out to be a decoy? Yeah.
The evil machine's quest to develop a convincing humaniod robot to inflitrate human society? A major theme in the Berserker books.
A semi-messianic human hero who is so key in the battle against the machines that the machines prioritize his death above just about any othe goal? Yeah. And tell me if the names aren't suspiciously similiar:
The Terminator hero/leader: John Conner
The Berserker version: Johan KarlsenLet me reiterate that Saberhagen's work predates the Terminator movies by ... well, the one I just bought was published in 1979. Anyhow. Make what you want of it. Deliberate idea stealing or just kinda obvious stock plots for death robot stories? You decide.
Also picked up a new Heinlein. More on Heinlein later mebbe. And I also found a genuine HP Lovecraft. So now I can find out for myself how dumb he is, T-dog.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
"Night Calls The Green Falcon" by Robert McCammeron
This was a short story about an old man who had played a superhero in a "serial" in the '50's. One night he sort of flips his lid and dresses up in his old costume and tries to track down a real serial killer. Funny, yet suspenseful.
This is a collection of short stories inspired by the work of HP Lovecraft. It has quite a few well done tales written in the Lovecraft Mythos. I have been wanting to get ahold of some of his stuff, since he apparently has been highly influential in the the darker side of fantasy writing (and gaming of course) but this influenced by schtuff is all our library had, but its promising. Gahan Wilson and Roger Zelazzzney, the illustrator and author of A Night in the Lonesome October, #8 on the JSFC reccomended reading list both contribute. I started, then skipped about 2 of these stories on the grounds of if I wanted to be that disgusted I would shove my head up a cow's rectum rather than read this, but on the most of the others are much better.
What is it about scary stories that makes them seem to work best as short stories rather than as books?
I also want to go on public record that I don't really care that Michael Jackson is dead. Big whoop! At first I thought I was glad that he was dead, but on further reflection, I realized that I actually dont care. I find it highly distasteful the amount of mooning it up the media is doing with this. Let him be dead, and quit trying to make money off of it. People die all the time. He was just a wierd singer, not a god. It's interesting how humans seem to be hard wired to worship stuff. People want things and people to be bigger and more important than they really are. I don't get why they do that, but they do. I don't.
A while back I broke character and went to a Major League Baseball game. It was just bizzarre to me the amount of pryotechnics and shazzaam and ceremony they threw into this ballgame. I knew they would do a ceremonial first pitch, but they did like 8 or 9 ceremonial first pitches, and they called each one a ceremonial first pitch. They ought to have had the grace to call the second one the ceremonial second pitch, and then the third, etc etc, but no, nothing would do but they must call each one the first pitch. Why not call them the ceremonial zeroth pitches?
They did the wave. That was so hilarious to me I literally drew funny looks I was laughing so hard. What would an alien write in it's note book? "Each human in turn rises to its feet, then sitting down again, thereby creating a communal wave which circulates for an infinte circuit about the arena, verily, until they get bored as a collective." The hive mind stuff is just wild.
A Mascot dancing around like this game mattered to him, like it was his soul, like if we won we would all then experience true joy and bliss, as a new age of peace was ushered in. Dancing girls. Oh, yeah and recreational beverages for sale. It all forced me to think about ancient pagan rituals. It would be alot cooler if it had been some gladitorial bloodsport, but no, just 2 dozen homely guys playing a pretty wierd, complex, yet uncerebral game in which nobody's life is at stake.
I'm not saying it was dumb or stupid, it was kind of cool, because all these people were collectively enjoying themselves, and that was fun to be around. It was just wierd to me. Surreal. But apparently I am in the minority in seeing it that way.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
So off I went. 5 minutes or so I found myself approaching the neighborhood elementary school where Jonni goes. I noted a gravel path into the unmowed jungle that surrounds our little town and thought: “what the schmee. I’ll see if it goes anywhere.”
It did. The gravel road ended and a dirt path took over. The dirt path forked and forked again. The woods on either side hung over the path so that I was obliged to duck like a goblin as I went. The creek (the same as the one that our ditch leads into) crossed the path and I did some wading. By now, my run has turned into more of a shamble, as the terrain and flora are becoming more of a problem. But the path is still clear. People obviously use it, but I don’t think anyone maintains it. It’s not scenic or pretty for old people to stroll on, but dank and ignored for kids to hide in. Lots of forks. More water crossings. New running shoes too, all soaking now. And the grass is getting taller on the trail. And the spandex shorts I am wearing are not ideal jungle gear. (I wound up with 5 ticks!) Lots of mud too because it’s been rainy lately.
Suddenly an open field. Surrounded entirely by jungle. No houses visible at all. Oddly enough, an abandoned pair of b-ball hoops set in a slab of cement in the middle of this place. Kind of an after the bomb sort of feel. My kind of thing.
“Why are these lonely hoops here? What did this place used to look like that someone thought B-ball hoops would be a good investment here? And speaking of here, where am I?”
Well, I had a fairly good idea, I thought. My plan had been to follow the jungle path until it dumped me out somewhere civilized again and then find my way home from there. Or, if the path dead-ended first, to simply back track. I considered that I was about at a point where neither option was manifesting and figured I’d go ahead start backtracking now. So I went back the way I came. I picked up my pace to a run again, with my work out in mind.
More damp. More goblin duck walk under branches. More forks. More nearly undefined path. Pretty soon I had to admit to myself that this poorly defined path I was on was actually not really a path at all, but more like a figment of my imagination. So I hadn’t come this way the first time through.
I’m not lost, clearly, cause I am still parallel to the stream, and how lost can I possibly be with that landmark handy? The various pathes have crossed the stream all over the place so, I figure the best move, since backtracking has failed me, is to find the stream and stick with it.
Finding the stream is easy. Having done that, I realize that all I have to do is head upstream, until I find my ditch.
Or is it down stream? Fish. Not sure, but my hunch is upstream.
The path is dead on my side of the creek now, so I wade across (new shoes sustaining no new damage at this point, anyway) and pick up the trail on that side. Two or so minutes later however, it’s dead again on this side, but looks possibly active again on the other side. This crossing isn’t so pretty. Its gotten a little deeper; before I could see my feet under water. Now not so much. Not liking that.
On the other side I find that the trail appears to be die almost right away. It might, might, might, sort of pick up again on the other side, but this crossing is not straight across, but actually pretty stinking lateral, the bank on the opposite side allowing no purchase until I have forded through the middle of the water a good 30 yards or so, and none of it is seeing-your-feet water.
And the path… the more I study that far bank, the less convinced I am that there really is a path over there at all.
I stand on my sandbar for a good 5-7 minutes or so thinking. I waded out about 4 feet. If I was assured that there was something worth having on the otherside I’d go for it, buuuut…
Well, the one thing I am not going to do is backtrack. Rewade all that crap, only to be back where I started? No.
Ultimately, I decided to blaze a path through the forest. I could pretty much guess, looking at the skyline that there was some sort of clearing up hill and 25 or so feet laterally from the creek, but no sort of path to get there, and me in spandex. But it looked like my best bet. It was a solid up hill, but when I broke into that clearing I was glad that I did. I was on train tracks. Well, not on the tracks, but beside them.
Two directions to pick from now, and I knew one of them would get me somewhere.
There was a bridge going over the tracks in one direction that I suspected was one that I sometimes go running over, so I made for that direction, and it was a good thing I didn’t go the other way, because if I had I wouldn’t have intersected civilization for 3 or more miles and then I would have had to hoof it another 3 miles from there to home, and by then I would have been classed as a missing person, maybe. The bridge was about a half mile off, and I’m already a half hour or so late home from my run, so I set in to jogging. Railroad gravel is no good for running on. Its not gravel at all, but more like boulders, so I made bad time, but it was my bridge when I got there and then was pretty much home free.
So that’s how I got lost within a mile or so of my own home. Go ahead and laugh. There are three major geographical features of my town, one being the interstate, which doesn’t come into this story and the other being the railroad and the creek. Our neighborhood is bounded by the creek on 3 sides, my ditch being a tributary to it. There’s more neighborhoods beyond the creek, but before you get to them you have to cross the rail road. The space between the railroad and creek is all wild and belongs to nobody especially, and is all just woods, and that’s where I was. It’s not a broad strip of land, its an embarrassingly slim place for someone to get lost in, but there it is.
I’ll have to go back in jeans and boots and a hat and explore. Brad, if you make it out this way this summer, we’ll have to have a shot at it, interested?
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Saturday, June 13, 2009
That's the name of this poster. Moon Goddess Diana. (Don't believe me, check it out) It's by an artist named Howard Johnson, who apparently does alot of contemporary artwork of mythological stuff.
This one is of Diana, goddess of the hunt and the moon, and also identified sometimes with/as Hecate. (a single diety with three aspects... sounds oddly familiar). Greek version of her was Athena (i think... let me check). Nope, I was wrong. Artemis was her greek name. Twin of Apollo the sun god. (sun god, moon goddess, get it?). Also name Selene. Selene in the Sky, Artemis on Earth, Hecate in the lower world, as my book here puts it. (Edith Hamliton's Mythology, if you must know).
But ANYHOW. The point is: Moon Goddess Diana. Does anybody else think this poster has an unintended(?) and hilarious double entendre going on?
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Thursday, June 4, 2009
This one cracked us up endlessly last night. Us being not Liz, and not really Suzzanne, but me, Todd and the kids.
Oh, and I have been worried about Renae not seeing the end of the google plex thing so here that is:
(Oh- great job on evolving! You go!)
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Only watch from 0:45-2:58 of this video:
(well you can watch the whole thing is you want to...)
This segment has Trent (my brother) written all over it, I think anyway. If you don't know Trent, just imagine a guy who would curl up laughing his head off over these 2 minutes of oddness.
It's hard to say if Carl is serious in this, or taking us all for a ride. The deadpan is very well done. Mr Andsersen.
(Liz says Sagan is a cross between Mr. Bean and Agent Smith, and I have to say, she has a point)
Saturday, May 30, 2009
In it there's this group of elite warriors with sort of supernatural ish powers, dedicated to the protection of humanity. They're kind of like knights. They have these special swords that only they can use. They light up and glow when they use them. I'll just call them sabers.
Now, before the story starts, there was once this guy who was like a really really tough knight. But he went bad for some reason and turned against the other knights. I don't want to give too much away, but his name starts with a V.
Now two of the main characters in this story, who meet in book one for the first time, are very suprized to find out that this bad knight is their father! And that makes these two characters ( lets call the boy... I dunno, Luke- that's not his real name, but I dont want to give too much away here. The girl we could call Jennifer. No? Leah? Ok fine.) but the point is since this bad knight who used to be good is their father that makes Luke and Leia brother and sister!!!! Only they didn't know it! Pretty freakin cool plot, yeah?!?!
I know, some of you are really mad at George Lucas for stealing this unique plot concept now, but what can I say? Lucas is a talentless scumbucket and a dried up old man too boot. No suprize there.
This series trys terribly hard to be up to date and hip, using all the latest trendy slang, which means that in 7 years it will be ridiculously dated. I really don't know how I choked my way through it all, but I did some how. I suppose that means something in the author's favor, cause gagging all the while I didn't quit reading it?
Oh. There's this other real gentle, not quite fatherly but almost, adult male character who is also a werewolf. But his name is not Remus Lupin, so it's a unique idea.
My favorite bit is how the 2 main characters, before they learned thier hidden identities as siblings, fell in love. And so theres this really poingant business through the whole series about how painful this is and how they can never be together because it would be just so wrong, and how even though they are in love it's just wrong because we are siblings, darn the luck! At the same time there is a gay romance flowering between two of the supporting characters and they never seem to be as conflicted as all that about it. And the author never catches the irony even once. Oh. One of the gay lovers is about 15 and the other is about 700, literally, but age is not an issue either.
The last of the three books had a praise quote from Stephanie Meyer on it, but then again she did write Breaking Dawn... Speaking of which, the main character is in this seris is also involved in a love triangle that includes a guy who is her true love and another guy who is her best friend, but it's not like SM's books because in this one the best friend is the vampire...
*It's The Mortal Instruments series: City of Bones, City of Ashes, City of Glass, by Cassandra Clarke
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Still here. Not alot to add to the stack lately, but I figure it's only fair to give my public a brief taste of ME.
Went out in public today. Grocery-ing. I have said it before, and I will say it again: Girls just don't get it. I practically had to elbow good looking women out of my way just to get down the aisles. There's tons of them. It doesn't take nearly as much as most girls think it does to be good looking.
On a related note, one of the wierdest things about aging (which I am doing like a fine wine, I must say) is the expansion of the attractiveness age bracket. 17-40, all might give me mild whiplash. Thank goodness I am married and don't have to actually try to sort any of this stuff out into a realistic plan of attack. Who has that kind of time and energy?
*an injun from Injea just bothered me on the phone. I didn't even have the heart to mess with him. What's the point when all his cultural ques are based in a land where God has six heads and is an elephant, and he doesn't even speak the language really anyway? What could I do? A thick Forrest Gump accent would be completely lost on him. I guess I could just be blantantly insulting:
"Es thees joan severe?"
"Chew a leper, Queerbait! Cows suck!"
but there is no subtlely there. Its depressing. *
Welp, good enough. Oh hi to Jess, who swung by the other day (in a virtual sense). Gosh, she's 17 now!! I've known her since she was a kiddo.
Hi to Patrick also. (liz's brother) The guy in my basement found some of the growth serum that I didn't flush, thanks to your lousy advice, and he wreaked merry havoc all over before I could get him with 14cc's of tranquilizer. Lucky for me he was still fairly sedated at the time... If he had really gotten lose it could have been very nasty indeed. Thanks a heap Patrick, for the bad advice! I am back to flushing it now, it seems safer. Maybe if I found a shrinking potion and mixed em before I flushed em...
Now I have this giant bean stalk in the yard though. I wonder what i could get in barter for some of it's seeds. Maybe I could get the green car street legal again. I'll take a handful of magical beans down to the DMV someday and say to the grouchy woman there : "Dew yew knew haaw many Beeeans makes five?!"
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Saturday, May 9, 2009
-Harrison Schmidt, Apollo 17 astronaut
Started watching "In the Shadow of the Moon" tonight, it's good. It's a documentary that came out in 2007, featuring a bunch of the Apollo astronauts talking about going to the moon. They are all old men now. I got the quote above from it. For those of you who are ignorant, "The Right Stuff" was a phrase that was coined to describe the super-elite pilots who were selected to become astronauts. It was said they had "The Right Stuff". (incidentally the 80's movie by that name wasn't that great. Every time I have read an astronaut or anyone who would know talk about that movie they say it was mostly crap.)(I hear them mostly say very postive things about the movie Apollo 13)
Anyhow. I haven't finished watching it yet, but it's good so far. Reccomend it.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Also, I am going to insert into his mind the knowledge about how to propogate the genetic alterations I have given him to others, so that he will be able to make copies of himself.
At the same time, I have been working on a formula to make plants and animals grow larger. Does anyone have any thoughts on safe disposal of my prototype serums? I've just been flushing them so far...
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Saw Wolverine (on opening night). Liked it, but it had a quite different flavor than the first two Xmen movies. (The third Xmen movie was an insult to humanity and of it I will not speak). It was alot more serious, alot less funny, than it's preddicessseors. But I liked it. More I will not say in case you haven't seen it.
Why don't Stevie Nicks and Nicky Sixx get married?
Saturday, April 25, 2009
He's my cousin. I have aproximately 80-100 first cousins. (Mom has 8 siblings, Dad has 7). For a very short time, I went to school near my mom's side of the clan, and got to do Thanksgiving with them. My mom's family mainly lives in Utah, so this was something I had never done before. There are so many of them that they did not meet at anyone's home, they just borrowed a church gym for the day. 8 or 10 tables. It was fun, although many people there did not know who I was. I had a longish conversation with Daniel's brother Ryan with him under the impression that I was there as the date of yet another cousin. We had a laugh over that after.
The other cool thing about that Thanksgiving was that since we held it in a gym, we played some Lightning (they called it Knock Out) afterwards. Among my Sever cousins, if I play basketball with them, I am one of the slow, clumsy cousins. (How many of Marsha and Reid's kids didn't play college ball?) But I found that in Utah... I was gooood. Narf!
When Trent(my brother) was 11, I was asked to teach the sunday school class he was in. My first day as teacher, I introduced myself, and got each of the kid's names out of them. I could place all of them in my mind as far as who thier parents were readily enough, except one mystery kid, who said his name was Josh. Trying to dig more info out of him I asked him his last name (clever of me). The last name didn't help. I asked a few more probing questions, when Josh, in annoyance shouted at me that he was Robert's son. Robert? I ask stupidly. YOUR UNCLE?! Josh shouts. He was my cousin.
Anyhow, Daniel, we like the Utah cousins. Stay in touch!
Saturday, April 18, 2009
I went to an MTG tournament with my two brothers a while back. I haven't been deep into Magic since I moved away 4 or so years back and had no one to play with, but there was a time when my obsession with that game made my chess enthusiasm look like a passing yawn. There were about 14 people in this tournament and after 4 years away from the game I took second place, partly at least because the organizers didn't know much about "tournament theory". (I have spent a totally ridiculous portion of my life studying the structure of tournaments in a statistical way (for example) and know more than it is healthy, probably) But even so, second place was a great ego boost. And also ressurected some of the same obssesive instincts.
But the best thing about the tournament was the extreme geekosphere it was held in. It was like out of a movie, only more. The acne ridden teens playing D+D loudly next door, the heavy glasses, the guys with pony tails, the kid with the T-shirt : "Shirt of Invisibilty +2", the witches, the general level of social unconciousness, the fat people... it was great. Half a lifetime ago I blended into this environment a bit better... But the environment hasn't changed much. And the thing about these folks- it doesn't take much for them to like you. I felt slightly oldish going in (although I was not the oldest guy there) - (I made a joke to the owner of the shop about did I need to fill out the parental approval part of the Wizards of the Coast entry form- but he seemed to misunderstand and think that either I was or was trying to pass myself off as Trent's dad)- but it only took a few minutes for me to feel basically at home.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
I'm still passing a substantial portion of my online time there. This forum is mainly contributed to by self described atheists, although most of them are more what I would have described as agnostics. By atheists they basically mean they are fed up with religion in general. There is the occasional theist/Christian popping in, but they tend to be of the insane variety, sadly.
Here's the attraction for me, I think:
During my missionary days in Vegas, I came to realize that if you talk and listen to pretty much anybody long enough to find out what their really core beliefs are, you will discover that their core beliefs are things that you agree with. The more peripheral beliefs- the ones that are built/ extrapolated from their core beliefs-can be fairly koo-koo... but when you get down to it, people don't hold the koo-koo ideas nearly as dearly as they hold their core ones. Here's why: people's core beliefs are almost always true. Truth has an attractive quality that draws people to it and holds them there. Kookiness does not.
Fact is, I tend to agree with the atheists on this site alot. I tend to be fed up with modern religion and religious people alot. I are a religious person myself, but I got here not by rejecting all the thinking and question-asking I did as an agnostic, but by building on that thinking and actually finding answers to most of my questions. I find that there is an irritatingly large contingent of religious people who have more superstition than faith. Miss Watsons, instead of Widow Douglases. (Huck Finn reference. see Two Providences) I tend to like these people anyway- ever body is stupid in someway or another- But I can definitely see where these atheists are coming from.
I guess I feel like my perspective in this forum is a valuable one. I'm not trying to do any hardcore preaching- just some alongside thinking- the occasional sanity check... And its going well. Anyhow. That's my rambling first draft explanation. Done.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Friday, March 13, 2009
Scroll down and check out the new collections of music I have posted. In addition to the basic rock and roll list that you all can't get enough of, I have also added a seperate playlist of instrumental movie soundtracks, and another of more mellow country-ish semi-churchish songs that I like to play on a Sunday night, when I am feeling all mellow and vaguely churchy.
Mary the Cranky is just yesterday's news, clearly! She's not just history, she's paleontology!
Hey, do you all remeber in the 80's when radio still existed, there was a toy you could buy that was essentially just a microphone that would let you broad cast on a very limited range (like maybe from your bedroom to your living room) on normal radio station wavelengths? The idea was you could "be on the radio". What I want is something like that for my computer- I want to plug that toy into my computer speakers, turn on music on my pc, and then tune my boombox into that music while I am in the shower or in the yard or the basement or garage etc. Anybody heard of such a thing?
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
Sunday, March 1, 2009
That was fun. Moose and I had 16 hours or so in a truck together so we talked over everything. Where to move to when the system finally gets around to crashing, Barak Obama's lack of manhood, marriage, religon, science, ugly women, hot women, work, and why are there so many naked girl bars between here and Kansas? (I assume those were all bars for watching naked girls in, not bars where naked girls go to socialize?)
So that was all to the good. The Moose and I go back.
We got to Kansas, and found my old kindergarten buddy has somehow become a Lutheran pastor of all things, in timbuknowhere Kansas. So criusing around town trying to humiliate the new pastor was a fun game. (with in reasonable bounds, naturally)
Chris is seriously isolated. 1/2 miles to the next human being, he's a single man living by himself in a huge house with his own private church, rec building and cemetary! The conflicts that must raise for him! Total isolation. Tons of space. A cemetary for the love! And you are the new pastor in town. On his first pastoring gig too. I'm saying... the instinct for me is to throw a huge crazy party, build a giant fire, run aroud screaming all the time for no reason. Run around the cemetary in your underwear. Ring the church bell alot. Sleep in the chapel. Because nobody will care. Furthermore as pastor you must be to some degree your own boss. If you stay up till 4 am, sleep in, big deal. And I know Chris fairly well. All this has crossed his mind, for sure.
But you are the pastor. It's gotta be rough, I am sure.
We had fun with CJL. We went to his church in the morning. The people all assumed that Moose and I must be pastors also. They all really seem to like Chris, which means he must be doing something right.
I have been wasting some internet time on a religious debate site lately. These people tend to be pretty hyper. It's hard to say who is more high strung, the atheists or the Christians. But I like talking and thinking on the deep schtuff, and I enjoy asking myself the hard questions.
Fish. It's bedtime. bye!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Better luck next time Gata!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Flying too close to the sun
If the moment of glory
Is over before it's begun
If the dream is won
Though everything is lost
We will pay the price,
But we will not count the cost
When the dust has cleared
And victory denied
A summit too lofty
River a little too wide
If we keep our pride
Though paradise is lost
We will pay the price,
But we will not count the cost
And if the music stops
There's only the sound of the rain
All the hope and glory
All the sacrifice in vain
If love remains
Though everything is lost
We will pay the price,
But we will not count the cost
-Neil Peart of Rush
Roll the Bones
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
The match is tied 2-2! Kamsky, playing white, using the classic Ruy Lopez opening (pawn to e4) (Bobby Fischer called e4- "tried and true") out lasts Topalov in a 72 move marathon. (By comparision, the game three went 31 moves, game two went 34 moves, and game one lasted just 27 moves.)
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Topalov(Bulgarian-booooo!Hisssss!) played white. Kamsky(American! WooT!!!) and Toplov have played only 8 times before. Topalov has won 4 of those, the other 4 were tied. So our American is the underdog here. Kamsky to play white tomorrow.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
The winner to take on Anand sometime later this year for the 2009 Chess Championship.
The cool thing is, Gata is American. Raised in Russia, learned his game there, but moved here for all the normal reasons.
Topalov is Bulgarian. They are playing 8 games in Bulgaria, starting tomorrow (Feb 16th) running until, I think, the 23rd.
Topalov is a former world champ. Gata took a number of years off and is where he is now as a result of his unretirement a year or two or so ago. I believe Gata made it to the #2 slot once before and then lost to one of the big names from last generation, precipitaing his retirement.
Anyhow-I know-Groans from the gallery- yada yada yada.
If Gata wins and then beats Anand, he will be only the second American World Champ ever, the other one being, of course, Bobby Fischer. That's gotta be interesting, right?
Friday, February 13, 2009
I ran out of time... *sigh* ...stupid time!
Anyhow. St. Elicebmi's Eve is an annual celebration on the night of Feb 13th.
The proper way to celebrate St. Elicebmi's Eve is to go out and vandalize or otherwise harass those members of the opposite sex whom you are no longer in a relationship with. If you have one of these whom you particularly dislike, even more so. It is also an appropriate time to embarrass or severely inconvience couples who are overly disgusting in their PDA.
Clearly, when St. Elicebmi's Eve is conjoined with Friday the 13th(like yesterday), it is unusually powerful. The powers of Dark Luck (in a telestial world such as ours, Bad Luck doesn't really exist... if its bad for you, then it's good for your enemies, and vice versa) combined with the Goblin powers manifesting on St. Elicebmi's Eve, rising in opposition to the Feast of St. Valentine make for some heady astral vibes.
The only thing more metaphysically intense is when St. Elicebmi's Eve falls on Friday the 13th in a leap year. What happens then is the screwiness of the calendar robs March of its otherwise naturally occurring Friday 13. This draws the powers normally associated with that 13th back into Febuary and you get an effective Double 13th in Febuary! This last happened in 2004 and will not happen again until 2032.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
In fact, it's not even one percent of one percent of the trillion about to be flushed.
$1 million is only one percent of one percent of one percent of the trillion that BHO thinks the government should have.
There's no cure for crazy.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
We tend not to grasp the magnitude of that number. I can help there. Let's write it out long ways:
Friday, January 30, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
- There is no practical limit to which politicians are allowed to take us into debt.
- Politicians, donkeys and elephants both, live to look like they are doing something, because that's what gets votes. Actually doing something is ok, but only if it happens to also look like you are doing something. (In real life, it works the other way around, of course.)
Hence: Taking the country into debt is an easy way for politicians to look like they are doing something, without doing something. Paying off debt is politically pointless because it gets no headlines.
Aside: Incurring debt is not a solution, it is the absence of a solution. The larger the debt a politician (or anybody) proposes incurring, the greater his (or her) admission that he (or she) has no actual ideas.
Conclusion: As long as these two conditions exist, the national debt will continue to grow.
Changing condition 1 (ie making and sticking to a balanced national budget) is impossible because (see condition 2) that would be doing something, but it's not flashy. Changing condition 2 would mean essentially that people in general get smarter, and start seeing through politicians' flashiness and begin voting for the guy who does stuff rather than the guy who only looks busy. Here's hoping!
Meanwhile: I'm a banker (pretend with me). I have two business propositions put to me. One comes from an old man who assures me that if I buy a handful of his magical beans, and plant them in the ground, overnight they will grow into a giant beanstalk that reaches the sky. The other comes from the US government promising me that if I give them some money, someday they will pay me back. I'm going to laugh in the US Government's face, throw it out on his ear, and buy the beans. At least then I've got some beans. In the other case, Jesus will come back long before any of that money does. Elvis will be back sooner.
That's the practical limit to how large the national debt can get- till it gets so large that nobody will lend us money any more. Till the US dollar is a world wide joke.
Here's the thing: Congress has a credit card with no limit and nobody's name on the billing address. Well, the name is : We the People, but that is close enough to Everybody as to mean Nobody.
A Few Solutions:
Simplify the tax code so that even a baby can understand it. Make it a flat percentage. And then, every time a senator suggests we spend some money that we don't have, require that senator do the math in public, and then let his proposal include the dollar amount it would tack onto next year's taxes, and so that everyone can see exactly what percentage of their money that senator is wanting next year.
Every time we bail some other country out from under a dictator or a natural disaster, afterwards we hand them a bill for however much it cost us. "What, they don't have the money?" Fine. We sell them a hunk of our national debt instead. We can be more charitable when we have some money to be charitable with. Right now, and for the foreseeable future we are worse than broke- we are in the hole.
Every time a convict leaves jail, he gets a bill as he leaves: the exact cost of his trial and incarceration. Then we garnish his wages until we have the money.
Government welfare programs? Those problems are best handled locally. Make that exclusively the province of the states. If the states are smart they will make welfare almost exclusively the problem of the counties. Get it all done close to home, so that when A takes B's money to give it to C, B can see how much of the money C actually gets C gets and what C does with it.
The problem with these type of solutions is that they are all doing something, and are not glamorous or flashy. They require the support of a smart voting populous. So I wrote this, hoping to contribute, in my small way, to our collective smartness.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Wouldn't it be funny if you took your PC to a tech place to get it fixed and the guy behind the counter just whipped out a ball peen hammer and smacked it (the PC) real hard in front of your face? I'd laugh. Well, I'm laughing now anyway.
Presidential elections should be this way: (I literally dreamed this up while asleep last night, so it has to be good):
We should get rid of the electoral college and do it by a huge popular vote. BUT, there should be two winners. 1st place and second place. They don't actually get to be president yet, though. What happens next is, we have another election, only this time there are only two candidates on the ballot- the first and second place guy. And the winner of that is president.
It's actually a darn good idea. It'd give your third party type guys a real chance, and yet they wouldn't be wrecking the process by dividing the vote in a Ross Perotish way.
We should try it out on a governorship or so first, to get all the bugs worked out- maybe start even smaller- a mayorship or so- but seriously this is a Jefferson level stroke of smartness. whaddaya think?
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Friday, January 23, 2009
really, no new stuff, no new great thoughts to clue you all in on. Just... even so- with nothing special going on... Life is goood!
No seriously. It's sweet. The basics. Food. Sleep. Work. Work out. Read. Music. A few good friends. What else do you need?
Maybe its the toasty 40 degree weather that's gotten into me, or the endorphins from running and lifting (been able to be more consistent lately) or the basic internal smoothness that seems to come from putting in some regular study time (I've been able to do that more now constistently lately too)...
But life is good.
Dumb fat and lazy. No make that brilliant, muscular and lazy.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's court. Rereading. Haven't had in years. Maybe a decade. (I'm old. There really are things that I haven't done in a decade or so now.) Anyhow, its good. I appreciate different parts now than I did when I was a kid. Still funny, but I never noticed the cutting poltical insights when I was a teenager.
Connect- icut. Why do we pronouce it the other way?
Speaking of old... Schmee- I recollect going around with my friend Chad to hand out pro-Bush stuff door to door during the first Bush election- seems like not that long ago. 9 years!! Old. Luckily, Im actually getting better looking- who thought it was even possible? And I jacked my bench weight up 10lbs today. Ran for a solid hour saturday, and part of that was up Mt. Olympus, where the rich people live... Its a heck of a view. Looking down-waaaay down-on the Hardee's sign that is like --well, really really high up, if you are standing right next to it. Didn't even pause.
Been a darn good life so far. Adventure. Good brains. Growth. Immense luck. Great friends, great clans. You know, you people who read this are mostly people I've been friends with for a long time. You're a killer bunch. Diverse, each with a unique set of talents and strengths. A very nice spread- a good hand. Good to have you all around.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
I’d like to share here some of the things I have learned about counseling distraught souls.
1) Nod a lot. Stroking your chin is good. Act like you are listening. Occasionally grunt, as if in surprise.
2) If they ask you a question, don’t worry. Just go: "Weeelll…" and then wait. They usually will just start talking again.
3) If you find yourself getting bored, pass the time by thinking of everything that is funny about their problems.
4) Playing air guitar sometimes is good too. It makes them think you are using the musical side of your brain to consider their problems. Whistling, humming or going: "Brawmp Brawmp Brawmp! Brawm brawmp brawmpeer!" is the next level.
5) If you find yourself thinking stuff like: "What an idiot. This is all your fault anyway" it’s okay to say it, but it will soften the blow if you say it in a funny voice. Star Wars Characters like Yoda and Darth Vader are usually easy voices to do. "An idiot you are. All your fault this is!" Chewbacca is another good one.
6) If they start to cry at any point, just repeat back to them whatever they said last only in an even more whiney, about-to-cry type of voice than they used, to show that you understand.
7) Try to make their problems seem like not such a big deal. Remind them that probably nobody but themselves even cares about this stuff anyway, so might as well let it go.
8) Be a stickler about proper grammar. If some one says ain’t or uses a double negative, or an incomplete sentence, point it out right away. People in distress need to look at their problems objectively, and nothing helps lend the right perspective like proper grammar. I like to carry a pocket grammatical text with me so I have proof in case a disagreement arises about what proper grammar really is in this instance.
9) If you have ever had a similar situation, or even heard of someone else with a similar situation, be sure and let them know all about it. Only exaggerate so that their problem will seem less bad. "Oh that’s nothing…" -a good opening line.
10) If you feel like you get the point, only they keep talking, just yawn, clear your throat and look pointedly at your watch.
11) if you get really bored interrupt and tell them about a funny video you just saw on you-tube. It breaks the tension. For instance:
12) Be sure to bring a book along just in case.
13) Often throwing water in their face or slapping them relieves hysteria.
I welcome these confidences of course.