Daily GUIDE-ance:

Friday, December 26, 2008

a waste of a post

1am boxing day. Merry Christmas ! Again! I am being recklessly irresponsible being up this late. Cant think striaght right now anyway. Getting old has made me reaaaalllly like having my sleep. Correction: Having kids made me like sleep. I think pre-kids, I could always sleep in more whenever I got around to it, but these days that just isnt so.

But the 5 day weekend makes me crazy. Been playing chess for 2 hours or so. When was it that I stayed over at Renae's last and watched all her kids and mine most of the next day? I got sick as a dog, and spent a fair part of the day playing chess with only half my brain, and since then my game went directly to crap. Before that day I was getting fairly strong (for me)- since that day, I've been junk. This doesn't bug me like it used to though. I used to go into a rage when I lost and take it out on old ladies in the street, by hitting them with canned goods. I'm alot more mellow about sucking now.

It's habits. Part of it is cognition- like logic and all that- but alot more of it is observancy. Being able to compute 3 or 4 move ahead is pointless if you aren't seeing the board.

Not like I know anything- I'm a junk American. So my rating went to bits-- about as low as it has ever been... Got some of it back today though. What else will you be bored to hear? Laziness... whatever the opposite of that is- thats the other attribute you need to win at chess (like i know!) If you see the board but dont bother to compute the data, what was the point? Playing weaker players makes you lazy.

Liz wont play me with a handicap. hurts her pride. Trent though doesn't mind if I handicap myself. Jonni doesn't eiether. She actually knows how to play now, btw! Like remebers the rules mostly! I promise not to be one of those driving fathers who beats all the fun out of his smart kids to make them smarter. How dum is that? What's the point of being smart if you aren't using it to have fun? Yeah!

I'm slappy in the head. Just chuck this post.

Re reading Narnia.

Yeah so--- did you know I was clinically depressed most of 8th grade? That's when I worked out the 1st basic principle of human existance:

1) whatever it is that you are doing, the main point is to be happy.

I'd never been not happy before. I figured out how important that was that year. I was sad for a while but I discovered the meaning of Life- or at least the purpose of Life.

Zaphod says it this way "the main business of life, which is to have as good a time as possible"

Book of Mormon says it this way: "Men are that they might have joy"

So whatever it is that makes you happy, be it going to church or hitting old women with can goods, that's what you ought to be doing.

Later I worked out that the are some basic laws of physics about being happy- some general things that apply to everyone- i mean 4 example I like chess renae hates it, so I play and she doesn't... but on a more general level... nobody exists who is capabale of being happy doing certain types of behaviors like:

2) People generally are happy only if they are being "nice" to other people.
Again with the Book of Mormon: "Wickedness never was happiness"

"Nice" obviously is pretty broad. It can definately sometimes include striking somebody with canned goods. Sometimes it might even include killing somebody. Like in world war 2... it was awfully nice that we killed all those Nazis.

1:30 am now... the part of my brain that knows about it being smart to go to sleep has obviously gone to sleep, leaving me sort of screwed over, because now I dont know any better than to stay up late for no reason like this.... stupid brain. the typing skills part has also gotten pretty drowsy. garag. I will go now!

Gus naps alot!


Renae said...

I tried to stay up late last night and failed mostly. Mythbusters was on, which is one of my fav. TV shows. (Even though there are a lot of holes in some of their experiments. Yes, yes I know. I just like it. Why? Is it the explosions? I don't know.) Anyway they were having a marathon of Mythbusters, but I slept through most of it. I ate a lot of junk food which makes me feel like total crap though. Yuck. Wish I were bulemic.

Anyway, what I came on here to say is this: I remember you being depressed in 8th grade. You went through a stage where you cried a lot for no apparent reason. I couldn't figure it out. Mom and Dad told me it was teenage hormones kicking in or something dumb like that. I really didn't want to hit puberty then. I never figured out what it was all about. What was it? If you are over it enough to talk about it 22 years later. I felt bad for you, but powerless to be able to help you. Bullies at school? A child molester? It was that darned Brad Carter, wasn't it! ;) I think I used to wonder if you two had some epic fight and were now enemies. That would have been my reason for crying all of the time, back then.

I had my own bit of clinial depression when B & I were about a year into being married. I think everybody knows about that basically. It all stems from the fact that you can't do things that you know are wrong and be happy. I basically felt that I had damned myself and all of my posterity to life w/out the gospel. I pictured all of my posterity remembering me as the one who had the gospel and let it go. (Bruce had told me that any children we had would be raised in his religion. Don't hate him, he softened his stance before we actually had children. Then I won him over anyway.) It sucked majorly, but I'm over it now. Okay, I'll shut up. I am very curious to know what your bad patch was all about, if it doesn't bother you to tell.

Eyepoke said...

hmmm. To tell the truth I am not entirely sure what the deal was in 8th grade. I think I got picked on alot that year for some reason, and it was good that we moved that year. There wasn't any one particular bully, really though, just the world hated me and my dim dim sun went out!

Actually my sun never went out- I always had some places I was happy- City of Joseph and church espcially. But I hated having to go to school. The principal let me switch home rooms and that was good. Brad and Chris L were both in the new homeroom. I really do think now that it was a needed phase in my spiritual/psycholocial/philosophical developement. Part of it I believe was to help me understand a bit of what it is like for people with "issues". I know a bit - just a bit- of what it's like to not be able to just make yourself "snap out of it".

I've never had an experince like that since- I have always been able to remain optomistic or at least happily grouchy at whatever life has thrown at me. I really do think God wanted me to know what it was like to not be able to do that so that I could understand people who have that sort of thing all the time.

I dont think the general analysis about it having something to do with coming of age hormones had anything to do with anything.

I had a new tool box of coping mechanisms the next year at school, mostly that I was done taking crap from anyone, and I was going to do like Napleon Dynamite and do what ever the heck I want even if everyone thought I was a freak. That seemed to work pretty good. I quit bothering with trying to be funny or cool in anybody else's way, and went with my own brand of funny (alot of Guide) and my own brand of cool (alot of Guide). People thought I was wierd, but some of them also liked me, just for the fact that I had my own drummer. I had one very interesting experience in Freshman bio (Mr Ammon) where a kid who was a junior or so decided at the beginning of the year that I was his target, and most of the class followed his lead. But I fought back, trading insults, etc and continued to excersise my right to be whatever I felt like being... and one day for no reason at all he did a complete 180 and decided I was Joe Cool and made me his mascot of sorts and the rest of the class followed suit. (there's actually another aspect to that story that I am leaving out- more later maybe)

There was another older would be bully that I never converted, I just kept fighting. That was the key really- I never let them win. I remember one day he casually bopped me on the head with a book in passing- not all that hard really-just a tap- but it made me mad. So after he sat down I took my book and clobbered him with it- hard! anyhow- you've made me waste another hour Renae!

Brad Carter said...

I think you were depressed because it was the first time in 5 years that we weren't in the same class. That must be it, right? I don't remember you switching homerooms and ending up in my class in 8th grade. I just remember that I didn't hang around with you much that year. What grade did you move to Wood River? And what point in 8th grade did you switch into my class?

Remember my bully in 7th grade? Mike Lybarger. I had to deal with a lot from him, even outside of school. It didn't depress me, but it occupied my mind enough to let my grades slip pretty drastically. Suddenly having to put up with Mike made me not care about too much else.

timpani76 said...

Oooh, depression, what a fun topic!

I had my bout with depression in the 7th grade when I pissed off a popular girl. She got all the girls in the whole 7th grade to either pick on me or shun me. I held it in and let them pick me to pieces, and just got more and more depressed. That, and my dad had died the year before.

The situation got better after Elise finally got it out of me why I was so bummed all the time (around Spring break time). After that, things got mysteriously better. I found out years later it was because Elise came over from the high school and found the ring leader and roughed her up. She brought two mean looking friends of hers, and Elise said the other popular girls sure looked scared.

I felt bad when I first heard, but I can't seem to hold on to that. Can't girls be bullies too with words? Plus, I never asked Elise to do that, nor would I have even thought of asking her to do that.

Anonymous said...

That sounds like Elise. How'd she ever turn into a wimpy liberal?

Brad, you must be right. But how did you work out 5 years?


Brad Carter said...

8th grade - 3rd grade = 5 years. I guess that'd actually be 4 years though, since 8th grade hadn't happened yet. Me and my awful arithmetic skills.

In any case, I'll continue to pretend that I had that effect on you so I'll feel more important.

Anonymous said...

I was just randoming a guess actually. I couldnt remember what year we syncronized our grade level.


T-dog, please dont beat me up for calling your sister a wimp. I've been worrying about that all day since I wrote that. I meant to say "attractive intelligent progressive thinker" and it slipped. I know how you Treats look after each other. Uncle already!


timpani76 said...

John-- I didn't even say anything and you're already crying uncle?

Eyepoke said...

fine. Your sister's a pig.