Daily GUIDE-ance:

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Suck, Better, Hilarious

I finally got around to watching the latest Narnia movie, and WoW. I never ever thought I'd say this, but the BBC version was much much better. Mind you the BBC version stunk like a hunk of old cold cannible... There might be words to describe how dumb this movie was, but they probably are only found in the dialect of a rare tribe of pygmies who's tribal lands were found between an active volcano, a malaria infested swamp, a nuclear waste dump, and an enemy tribe of feirce, 8 foot tall giants and who therefore developed a language with 102 words for all the different types of suck.

Of all the things I could rip on I guess the most annoying was how everybody in the movie was always grumpy about everything. Peter and Edmund as streetfighting, angsty Troubled Youths. Pleeeeeeease! "yeah. and they were like, in a band. and they had skateboards. Oh i know! they could cuss! and smoke! and hang out by the bank."

So, if the Penvensie's are this immature and bratty, how the heck are they going to handle Eustace? Make him a vampire? (Vampric Dragon?)

And why did they cast Caspian as 26 years old? I know he's older in the next book, but isn't the problem with child actors that they age too quickly? (unless they are thinking that in book 4 Caspain is 100 years old and dies of old age and are aiming for that...)

And why all the idiotic departures from the story in the book? With Harry Potter they have the valid excuse that the books are way too long, but the Narnia books are short.

I also saw Twilight. Better. had some of the same problems though. Hollywood doesn't know how to handle a mature, intellegent happy teenage character basically. Everybody must be angsty. dum dum dum dum dum. I've been thinking that out of revenge I am going to make a movie of the Elric books with no angst what so ever.

The other thing that offended me about Twilight was that in Fork's High there were no pygmy bushmen or eskimos. Terribly racially insensitive. (morons)

Also saw Get Smart. Hilarious. Reccomend it!

PS: hey... has anyone else heard this song? I cant remember much about it, I only heard it once several years ago on the radio, but it was very funny. It was done in sort of a big band "Mac the Knife" kinda style about this guy who was going to rough up Santa Claus because they were romantic rivals or something. The only lyrics that have stuck with me are:

"Hey St. Nick if you touch my chic, the reinder are gonna fly home alone!"

I've tried a bunch of lyric search engines, but I can't find it. Any ideas? Mary?

17 comments:

Eyepoke said...

So I missspellled "intelligent". Go ahead: Mock me!

timpani76 said...

It is a funny word to misspell.

They made Prince Caspian like 26 years old so I could ogle him for his hotness without feeling like Mrs. Robinson. I guess his hotness sort of distracted me from the suckiness of the rest of the movie.

Didn't you even like the part where the white witch tried to break through the ice? I thought that part was cool.

I also liked that the kids seemed to be growing into their parts better than the first movie. The acting was way better in this movie than in the first.

What else did I like? Hmmm, did I mention Prince Caspian? Hello!

Bruce said...

oh bla bla bla. cs lewis was a moron. i woldnt let him wright the blerb on the side of a milk carton for missing kids.

timpani76 said...

Did you ever find that song? Erik and I worked on it, to no avail.

Eyepoke said...

No haven't found it. Terribly pleased that you looked for me though!

timpani76 said...

ha ha ha ha ha ha ...unacceptable...ha ha ha ha ha ha

Eyepoke said...

heh heh heh

timpani76 said...

John is an evvvvviiiiiiiillllll comment deleter!

Bruce said...

i noticed that to. that rude guy got deleated. why do we hate him again. i never heard the whole story.

Eyepoke said...

Hate for the sake of hating, bro!

Bruce said...

still the condeced version. was there any thing spicific that did it or was it a build up. ive seen him again on brads sight. he doesent seem like satin there. of the ones i saw one yours though, he earned banning. i just wanted the dirt.

Eyepoke said...

He has never really gone away... I delete him mildly frequently. I am sure he is reading this...

I guess I am just sort of conducting a social experiment on him... seeing how many deleted comments it take to counter balance the draw of my charisma.

timpani76 said...

John, about your social experiment: EVIL!!! Except it's ok in this instance. But otherwise: EVIL!!!!

Anonymous said...

he's making a little joke, timpani. don't remember another little social experiment conducted by the deletee?
liz

timpani76 said...

I remember the experiment, I just think John's being sarcastic about HIS experiment. Sarcastic experiments don't count!

The Marinator said...

Awww, I am so touched that you thought I might know that song! :) Sadly, I have no clue. I would remember that song too, if I had heard it! Lemme work a little Mary majik and see if I can come up with something.

Eyepoke said...

excellent!