Daily GUIDE-ance:

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Pluto, Orcus, etc

After having studied the relevant data objectively, I have reached the conclusion that Pluto is Not a planet. I was bitter when this change was first announced, but I have had a change of heart.

Neither is Orcus, but when I found out about Orcus, I thought what a frickin cool name for a celestial body! I think we should name all the dwarf-planet objects out there by Pluto after demons and death-gods! It'll be like the Halloween part of the solar system.

By the way I hate that Pluto is the name of mickey mouse's dog. Have I ever mentioned how deeply I despise Walt Disney Co? Especially mickey mouse. I hate their commericals for Disney land and for their stupid retreaded movies. The only commercials cheesier are commercials put out by low budget churches. "If you don't take time out to take your kids to Idiot land to meet magical Fathead and his barking spider how can you have Hope for the Future of Change"... Ok maybe Barak Obama's speeches also rival Disney commercials for empty hype, fluff and self aggrandizement. "Recapture the Magic!" barf.

OOO- I saw Obama masks at Walmart for like $10! I naturally stuck a devil's pitch fork through it's eyes and mouth. But here's a free good idea: Buy one, stuff it, stick it on a pole in your front yard with blood and puss drooling from it's mouth for a Halloween decoration. I have always objected to the political season interfering with Halloween every 4 years, but this is a great way to combine the two with out compromising either! Feel free to plagiarize my idea as I am probably too cheap to spend the money anyway. AAAACK gotta run

21 comments:

Hoba Chi said...

Wow! So much to work with, but just basking in being first to comment.

Pluto was the Roman god of the underworld long before Mickey Mouse's dog. Perhaps MM was a secret cultist?

I missed out on finding out about Orcus in 2004. I am heartbroken. ;)

Stay off of government radar, don't buy the Obama mask and put it on a pike. Bad ju-ju.

Brad Carter said...

You're lucky you didn't have a TV growing up so you didn't have to experience the horror of Disney cartoons. Their short cartoons about Mickey, Donald, Pluto, Goofy, etc were so incredibly lame. It was the most unimaginative garbage you could ever hope to see.

John, have you ever seen the movie Dogma? My favorite scene from it is when Loki and Bartleby crash a corporate Disney meeting, lay out their crimes, and then blow them all away. Of course, they can't call it Disney, but it's so funny.

Brad Carter said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
timpani76 said...

You can't decorate your yard with Obama masks, that's racist!

"I thought what a frickin cool name for a celestial body!"
Ok, with this quote you get extra points on your nerd card. Nowhere in the definition of cool is there any reference to this adjective being allowed to be used on a PLANET. Planets are only cool to nerds like you ;)

Anonymous said...

Oh Timpani you are so out of touch! The whole point was that Orcus (and Pluto) are NOT planets!!!

Also in America I am allowed to be racist. Free Country.

And what does a deleted BC comment look like? Brad when did your psyche develope a superego?

Never seen Dogma, but I like the disney scence.

Disney really does think it's a religon i think.

J

timpani76 said...

You know, I thought when I watched Dogma they were making fun of McDonalds, not Disney, but I think now I was wrong.

Yes, John, Orcus and Pluto are NOT planets, and for some reason, that is cool and interesting to you. More points for your nerd card!

Kudos on the insult for the day ;)

Brad Carter said...

Looks like the Disney boardroom scene is on YouTube! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgMiLYF-sM4

I accidentally posted the same thing twice yesterday, so I deleted one of them since I didn't think anyone here could handle the genius of my words twice in a row.

Anonymous said...

Ya know Timpani's calling me a nerd would hurt alot more if she wasn't an English major who thinks "You are a bad speller" is a good insult.

J

BTW:
Here at The JCS fan club we redefine cool.

timpani76 said...

Ok, I watched the Dogma clip, and I remembered the parts with Matt Damon and Ben Affleck were the only parts I liked about that movie. I think that clip would probably pass for PG-13.

Renae said...

Much to my displeasure, my kids waste lots of time watching the Disney channel. Stupid, stupid, stupid!!!

Dana Cheryl said...

Maybe Obama is the god of the underworld... If he doesn't get elected he could work for disney. It couldn't get much worse. Well maybe it can.

Anonymous said...

Watched the clip Brad. They even got Loki's hair right didn't they?
Or did they? Thor had red hair- but was Loki blond? I guess I don't know after all.

J

Eyepoke said...

Renae, my kids don't watch Disney. But we do watch Pinky and the Brain! (Netflix!) That's the good stuff!! Brad wrote along post about how the tech of today really does make life better than it used to be. He is very right you know. Control! Even though Pinky and the Brain is not on TV, we watch it COMMERCIAL FREE right here, anytime I want to. I love being totally out of sync with the rest of the world. Why? Because walmart people run the "mainstream" "world". Morons. I love the internet because it makes those people- Walt Disney, etc etc etc- so very unimportant and marginal- it puts them back where they belong- which is anywhere I feel like having them at the time. Life. Its good.

Like I said: Here at the JCS fanclub we redefine cool!!!!

Didn't I tell ya baby? I am Zaphod Beeblebrox!

Bruce said...

so does me not being able to spell make me cool at the jsfc.

The Marinator said...

Isn't Thor supposed to be the main god of Norse mythology? I guess the guys that invented him didn't realize that red hair is a genetic mutation, and that originally no one had red hair? Red heads are just brunettes that lost the ability to make brown hair. The point being that the main god should be perfect and whole, not having mutated genes, since we all sprung from him. Wait, Odin is the main god. I refuse to change my position. A god should be whole and perfect. Not a mutant. Hmph.

Dana Cheryl said...

God likes redheads. He probably has red hair. ;)

Eyepoke said...

Well Mary, you have alot to learn about Norse theology. "whole and perfect..." HA!

Odin for instance only had one eye. Tyr (Norse god of war) was missing a hand. And aren't you one of those Christains? Their God also has multiple scars, that He almost always shows to his followers when he appears.

So really, RED HAIR is no big deal, at all.

(Then there's Vulcan, with his gimp leg, but he's Roman)

The Marinator said...

LOL! I stand very much corrected about pagan gods! Shame on me. And Jesus is different. He keeps His scars as proof of His love and sacrifice for us. So there. He didn't HAVE to keep them.

The Marinator said...

DC, you just say that because YOU'RE partial to redheads! :)

Eyepoke said...

Actually Odin and Tyr's injuries... no make that maimings- both came from sacrifices they made for the betterment of mankind/the universe as well. I think there are alot of very interesting parrrelells between Christianity and Norse mythology. I may write it up into a post some time. Thanks for the idea MC! (you are my favorite MC, btw)

Bruce said...

i kinda like mc escher