Daily GUIDE-ance:

Thursday, August 21, 2008


Girls would have less body image problems if they could live as a guy for a day.

A good way to get rich would be to rig the universe so that everytime an attractive girl/woman (aside: being 35 is wierd because of the wide age range of girls that are attractive. Girls/women my age are attractive, definately, but I am also faced with the unsubtle truth that a 17 year old can cause you to miss a traffic light.) Where was I? Oh yeah- get a buck everytime a hot chic says that she's ugly. That's how you get rich.

Once apon a time I assumed that pretty girls who pretend to think they are ugly were just compliment fishing liars. But I have lived with a girl for 6 years and have learned alot of insider girl secrets that way. One thing I found out was that mostly they aren't liars. They are just blind. They (hot chics) really truly deep down think they are ugly. Skinny chics think they are fat. It's wierd.

This may seem like pandering to a largely female audience, but its not. I am going to try to let women in on a secret. It's like gravity. Every girl has it. It's not something you can shut off or turn on. Sure, an airplane might fly, Evil Kneivel might jump 15 school buses, and a guy falling off a cliff might get lucky and grab a branch and hold on for dear life trying to prevent the inevitable indefinately- but these stunts don't shut off gravity. It's always there, tugging away.

Fact is, every girl exerts a gravitational attraction on just about every guy. (with certain exceptions of course-see below*) Really, girls should know this already, but they don't. It's a cliche how very hormone/phermone driven guys are. This knowledge, I think, has led girls to think that the best way to be attractive to a guy is to try to be phsyically perfect. This is hardly nessecary. Guys almost never see a nice girl in a swimsuit and think: "well, not bad considering..."- Its more like : "... WHAMWHAMWHAMWHAMWHAM...where was I again? "

You don't need to take a starving guy to a five star, black tie, perfect food shaped like swans kind of restraunt. In fact, taking him there would probably be very annoying, what with trying to observe all the nicetiess of ettique, all the while wanting nothing but to dash into the kitchen and start biting things. He'd be much much happier with a sandwich and some mac and cheese. Maybe a rootbeer.

Another lie: Platonic frienship. Its alot rarer than guys normally let on. Alot. Before I was married, I had perhaps one friend who was a girl that the natural attraction was not an issue with, ever. 95% of the time, if a guy claims his best friend is a girl, he is self-deluded. It's gravity. Being married changes alot of that though. Being out of the dating game has made it possible to have friends who are girls, who really are just friends. It's kinda cool that way.

Cute girls are everywhere. The store, church, in traffic, hiding behind bushes, in the fridge, in the closet... Everywhere. Odds are if you are a girl, you are one of them. It's too bad more of you don't know this.

* A while back I formulated a few questions a girl might ask herself to decide objectively if she is really and truly unattractive. First, if you are related to the guy in question- no- that really is usually an no-go situation. Second- age. If you are way older that the guy in question, sorry, you are probably not in the running (exceptions exist). Third- have you bathed in the last 2-3 days? If not, do you have a good reason? Fourth- Are you healthy? This does not mean do you have"the perfect waist" whatever that is, or perfect anything. Fifthly- Are you smiling? Counts for tons- a grouchy super model loses to a friendly looking normal girl everytime. Laughing? Very attractive indeed.

Final sum up: Guys like girls. ALOT. We aren't nearly so picky as you seem to think we are.


Brad Carter said...

You're going to get in trouble with Liz, giving away girl secrets like this. And other girls are going to banish her for allowing this information to escape to the internet. I suggest making this entry private immediately!

Renae said...

So, you have an attractive girl in your closet? Does Liz know about this, or is this where you keep her?

I think you need to add to your list of reason for not getting checked out: Do you have another man's children hanging all over you? I notice that I don't get checked out nearly as often when I have my children with me. There is usually one one ethnic group that doesn't seem to care whether or not you are covered in children. Not that I'm trying to get checked out, but it does do something for ones ego.

Bruce is really funny. Whenever we are together and I catch him looking at a cute girl, he'll always find something to insult about her, so I won't know that he was checking her out. WHATEVER!

It's funny that you find that you can be friends with more women, now that you are married. For myself, the opposite seems to be true. In a group situation, I can hang around with men, but I am extremely uncomfortable with men in a one on one situation. As a rule, I try never to be alone with another man that isn't Bruce or a relative. The thing is that I have long felt that I get along better with men, than with women. There are women out there who I love to peices, many of you. But let's face it, there are also many silly women. I can get along with, and like just about anyone. But for some reason, other women often just don't seem to like me. Not that I'm saying that they particularly dislike me, but no one seems to want to buddy up with me. Why? Maybe I just need to be more out going. But this does perplex me. I like people, I'm nice. Why don't you people like me?! WHY WHY WHY??? Anyway, I'm being goofy. Where did I go? Oh yeah, I can't hang out with guys anymore, except you. But I feel much more accepted by them than by women. It's just because they all think I'm hot, isn't it? Dang. Not because I'm such a cool person. Men are retarded after all.

lizS said...

renae, you are funny! i find that women who find things like clothes and jewelery and make-up and celeb gossip and many superficial (sp?) and material things unimportant are usually the ones who are also saying "yeah, i get along with guys because the girls don't like me." i think it's not so much that girls don't like you in that a; they don't relate to you because you aren't shallow and b; you intimidate them because you are deep. does that make sense? and therefore, they get along with guys better because a; guys aren't usually into silly things either and b; all the reasons john said. guys LIKE girls on a very basic and fundamental level. and you are definitely hot, so the perks are so much better when being your friend, lol!

Bruce said...

what renae is wrong about is that i totally know she knows i check out other girls. i dont particualarly try to hide it. i have genuine insults for these girls. you can ask any guy that has hung out with me, i insult everyone. its great fun. i think John agrees with me on the insult thing. and for the most part john is right about the way guys see things. it not that we dont see imperfections, its just that we choose to ignore them. and in some cases it helps some guys to think that they may have a chance. which is always attractive. one thing that makes some truly hot females utterly repulsive is the ones that are hot, know that they are hot, and expect you to bow down to their hotness. a good looking woman, who is friendly and will talk and smile at you is far far far more desirable than a grouchy super modle. and there is a big misconception about what guys like to look at too. i think paris hilton is repulsive. she needs to put on some weight. another example is, renae and i were watching womens beach volley ball and i asked her which of the two she would rather be built like if she had to choose. she picked the taller, thinner of the two. i told her that i prefered the look of the other. she said "well i think she is just a little bit chuncky." and i told her that was just fine. a tiny bit of chunky was preferable. (you know she was not too chuncky. have you ever seen a fat pro beach volley ball player) plutonic relationships are weird too. i dont even try because renae would not be comfortable, and its is a bit of a risky thing so best to stay away. and lastly renae is right, guys are retarded.

pie-seas79 said...

this is the best conversation ever!!!! Basically everyone has said how retarded guys are!!hahah! I love it! Guys ARE retarded! all of them. no exceptions.
Another observation I have noticed is how many random guys hit on you when you are pregnant. Is this weird to anyone else?!?!? Firstly, you are grossly deformed when you are pregnant and secondly, you are carrying another man's child. What's up with that?? Unless the man hitting on you is your husband....

timpani76 said...

Oh, Colista, I think there are more guys out there with the "pregnancy makes women hot" thing than most people know. My dad was like that, he never liked to go shop for clothes with my mom, unless she was pregnant. And my 2nd step-dad (joe) told me that he thinks pregnant women look like they are blooming, it is the most attractive thing to him.

It's funny what Renae said about only one ethnic group checking you out when you have kids on you. Is that hispanic guys Renae? I always get hit on or checked out by hispanic guys, so maybe it does not matter if I have kids all over me or not.

Also, weird thing I noticed. I get checked out a ton more when it's just me and Quisqueya, than when it is just me and Vance. Is Vance a potential rival? Or something else?

I find that it is easier to be friends with a guy who is already married or the equivalent. Guys I have known forever are more like siblings, so they are the easiest to be friends with. Otherwise, it's just easier to be friends with girls.

Don't let the girls get you down Renae! Maybe your perfection is intimidating? Alisha says she has trouble making girl friends too, so maybe you both are just too smart for your own good!

Renae said...

The idea that anyone would be intimidated by me is hilarious!! I am scared of everyone. Everyone intimidates me. Does my shyness come off as snobbery? People are weird. We should just be friends because people are neat, regardless of if we are intimidated by them or not. I can find something to like in just about everyone I know. I could also find something to be annoyed with, but really no one is perfect. I certainly am not, so let's all be friends world!

Renae said...

And how funny is it that men find pregnant women attractive! That's exactly when a woman is feeling her least attractive ever. Let's hear from some guys. Are pregnant women attractive? (I'm not pregnant anymore, so feel free to answer honestly. Colista, read on at your own emotional risk. ;) )I just have a hard time swollowing that one.

lizS said...

do you know, i got hit on alot more when i was pregnant too. i thought it was weird then, i think it's weird now. i mean seriously, is there a time in a woman's life when she feels LESS attractive than when she's swollen to the size of a watermelon, or larger?

Dana Cheryl said...

Renae, I totally understand!

In high school I only had two friends that were girls!!!

Things got some better in college but even on the mish it was tough. Did ya'll know there was a "Hate Sister Lewis" club among the other sister missionaries? They would actually call one another and talk about me. I even had companions go through my journals, purse, etc... & find things to talk about. They'd go through that stuff while I was in the shower. Why would someone do something like that?

I would say that it was the most hurtful experience of my life but I save that honor for the backlash after by conversion. Still it was awful. I cried myself to sleep a lot on the mish.

My only comfort was members & our investigators & a few elders. Some random elders would call me and ask how I was doing. While I was serving in Edwardsville there was a district meeting in Missouri that had both elders and sisters in attendence. Apparently there was an actual verbal smack down with the elders in defense of Sister Lewis & the sisters being against.

So that leads into the fact that I'm one of the queens of platonic relationships. Even now. I'm not married because I'm friends with all the guys I know. It's been that way since my freshman year of high school.

That's just the way it is and the way it may always be. I'm the girl that gets asked to go door to door with guys in my ward to "party track". That's when a couple guys take guitars & knock on doors and sing a "come to our party" song. It's pretty funny. Anyways, I'm always invited to go and sing. It's my lot in life. I accept it. I think it's because I'm just an average looking girl and I'm sincere. I think guys like "mean girls" but I just can't bring myself to be that kind of person. yuck!

Dana Cheryl said...

Wow! I didn't mean to "dish on the mish"! That's the first time I've ever talked about it publicly. Yay I guess that means I'm finally over it and I can talk about it without breaking down into pathetic girl tears! :)

lizS said...

you know dana, girls make me so mad that way!! guys, you wanna know why girls all think they're ugly, regardless of their obvious hotness? read dana's comment! that's why! cause girls are mean petty backstabbing jerks! dana, and i'm totally sincere here, i think you are one of the most beautiful, inside and out, thoughtful, sweet, funny, intelligent girls i know!!! oh boy, i wish i could have been there for the verbal smack down! THEN the boys wouldn't be the only ones talking! girls, i swear. why does our sex feel like they have to be so dumb anyway?

Renae said...

Dana, WOW!! I totally can't understand why anyone would not LOVE you to peices!!! I honestly think you are just one of the most wonderful persons in the universe. WTFreak? Girls are dumb. I'm glad to hear that there are sensible women out there too, that can agree with me. I just can't understand why some people of our sex are so silly, and cliqueish (sp?). I don't get it, all of the catty silly fights that you see women getting into. Does it stem from us being more emotional than men? I think it must. Some women just can't put on the realism glasses. They get so wrapped up in supposed insults, and slights or whatever, that they can't see what it's really all about. Did that person really mean to insult me? I think most of the time the answer is "No, it's a misunderstanding." Women are so silly.

Dana, you are #1 in my book. I really can't wrap my brain around what anyone could hold against you. I've never met a kinder, sweeter person.

BTW, I am loving all of you gals in our blog group. You all are above such silly women things. Liz, you such are a thoughtful, sincere,caring person. Mary, such a witty, funny gal! Timpani, until this blog thing came about, I never knew how great you are! Smart, down to earth, love you! Colista, what a riot! Who wouldn'tlove you? Group hug. We rock! (Okay Renae, quit it with the barf-fest already!!)

Bruce said...

ok, if you are currently pregnent, it means you put out, and im not the dad. so party on. and to be honest, some women look fantastic prgo and some look like freeks. sory bout that but once again, some people are lucky and some are not. i think the reason guys are easyer to get along with are that if we get pissed off at some thing we are more likly to tell you off right up front than to let it stew and go gossip about it. and girls do see each other as threats moore often. maybe because there are more girls in the world than guys and they fell like they are in competition with each other. i wander if this is a problem in a place like china where the numbers are diferent. and did you all notice that we went from talking about how dumb guys are to how dumb girls are. i guess both sides have our own problems. i dont remember who said it(i think it was dana) but mean girls suck(almost made a bad joke there). if you cant smile and treat people nice i dont want to be around you. at all. i know guys who have married or at least have a relationship of some sort with a beautiful, but mean gile. they are unhappy. i think the true way to be happy in a relationship is to try and think if what your are doing is going to make the other person happy or at least smile. if that is your goal the other person will feel liked and cared for, and will most often return this. the result is mutual happyness. of corse not every one can be as lucky as me and marry wander woman.

pie-seas79 said...

I wonder if Johnny knew the can of worms he was opening up?

lizS said...

he hasn't even been home yet to find out, lol! he usually comes home for lunch and checks the blogosphere then, but today he had a meeting. he's going to be blown away!

timpani76 said...

Wow, I was completely blown away by Dana's mission experience. These sisters actually call themselves latter day saints? I'm embarrassed that you had to see the ugly side of the LDS so soon after being converted, Dana. It also makes me sad that you had to go through that. Who could not love Dana? And you were brave enough to still move to Utah after all that!

Awww, Renae loves me! She really loves me! That was so sweet!

Honestly, I encountered mean girls in Junior High, and a few in high school, but I have always been more comfortable around women. I love Relief Society because I feel like I can relax! Maybe it's just LDS women (not like the stinky sisters Dana encountered)?

Dana Cheryl said...

Aw thanks ya'll. It was you folks that were getting me through those tough times without even knowing it. That's a small part while I love ya'll so much! :)

It took me a long time to move past those experiences. I spent a lot of time thinking about it. Here are my conclusions...

Most girls & maybe it's people in general are followers. It was one sister in particular that decided she wasn't gonna like me. She made that decision before I even arrived in St. Louis. She let me know the day I arrived that she'd made her mind up about me.

The other sisters followed suit & some of them did feel bad about it later. That's how I know they went through my stuff. One of them told me all about it. Another one called me before I left. She was in tears & asked my forgiveness.

They followed the leader. Also I don't want to sound all self-righteous or anything but with a lot of thought I came to the conclusion that I'd rather be the sister that was treated badly than be the sisters that acted as they did. That gives me comfort.

That's what gets me through! That and great friends like ya'll.

Also it cemented my testimony! I could have left that mission at any time. My parents and friends would have been overjoyed if I'd left. They would have thrown a party and I would have been treated like a hero. There really came a day when I sat down and decided to stay. I stayed for the right reasons and it made all the difference!

Anyways there are dumb people of both sexes. :)

Eyepoke said...

Haven't read everything yet. I do love to open a can of worms as Colista puts it.

Dana, girls are capable of real platonic (what does Pluto, king of the Dead have to do with this?) friendships with guys in a way that guys are Not. This stems from the fact that girls do not need guys in the same way guys need girls. Guys are hardwired to be more desperate. I will guarntee you Dana, that there are some secret crushes amongst your platonic guy friends. Also there are alot guys that like you alot from a distance but can't ever seem to get a real shot at you because you are always surrounded by platonic competetion/bodyguards.

The reason guys fake platonic friendship is actually the same reason as guys find reasons to insult pretty girls, and it is this:

Guys want to be suave, slick, and cool around girls they like. But being around an attractive girl instantly demolishes all your coolness and control. The platonic thing and the insult thing are sort of a mind game a guy plays with himself (often without knowing it) to try to stay cool and detached around a hot chic- Trying to be not attracted, so that you can be "in control" still.

This is how it is.

Eyepoke said...

Why are pregnant women pretty? I don't know how to explain it but they just are.

Part of it goes down to this: Humans really are at least half animal. CS Lewis would agree with that. Pregnant women are doing something so very basic to... the core of our existance as a species and as a family that it just stirs something equally primal in a guy. For one, it taps into the male instinct to nurture and protect. Males are hardwired to protect pregant females...

Another thought: Being pregant is deeply at the core of feminity. In a sense you are at your most female when you are "with child". Yeah- that's getting close to the true reason why that is.

Eyepoke said...

Hmmmm- girls on the mission-
Interesting topic- as the only other RM wieghing in, I think that if you and I had been in the same mission at the same time, Dana, I would have liked you alot, and probably found you immensely attractive.

Consequently, what with the fact that LDS missionaries are not supposed to date or even think about dating while they are missionaries, you and I would never have spoken. I spent zone conferences etc trying very hard to avoid all the sister missionaries, just cause that's a such a very hard rule to follow and I was a rule keeper. (I was ET-ed once over an investigator chic that was terribly attractive. I never crossed any lines, I just told Pres "uhh-- what do you do if you are liking a girl you are teaching?" He said: "You tell me, just like you are doing now, so I can transfer you".... It was a highly inspired transfer too, tell you all about it when I got the time- the people I transfered INto were... waiting for me. anyhow)(Crider, did you know about that at all?) more later

Been fun!

Bruce said...

its funny the way john says "that's the how it is" like he is the end all authority on the matter. while some of your conclutions are good i dont agree completely. we are hard wired to protect females. and the weakened state of pregnancy would heighten that. but a feeling of protectiveness does not, for all of us, lead to feelings of attraction. i dont insult other girls around renae to be cool. i have no problem pointing out an attractive woman to her. and i dont feel the need to prove my coolness in any way to her, i feel completley confident in my statis with her cool or not.

timpani76 said...

For John's info- the word "platonic" has to do with the greek philosopher Plato (student of Socrates, teacher of Aristotle). Plato wrote about non-sexual relationships between two men though, so it is funny how often this term gets used when talking about relationships between men & women.

Now Renae will call me Hermione again, I guess...

Dana Cheryl said...

Well I guess I know absolutely nothing about boys! This new found knowledge of my ignorance does not surprise me though.

You have helped clear up a lot questions I had about elders on the mish. There was more than once when I was terribly offended by the fact that we sister missionaries were not invited to join in their p-day trips. Can I just say being a sister missionary is the lonliest experience most especially when serving with hostile companions. There was nothing to do but throw myself into prayer & the work. There were many, many days that we taught lessons on P-day. Which ended up being for the good.

To be honest I still have some resentful feelings toward a couple district & zone leaders. I doubt it was me they were into but maybe my companion. I might cut 'em some slack. Maybe. :)

Hey B, I think he was talking about single guys not you married folks. :)

Timpani, you are Hermione!! Rock on girl!

Eyepoke said...

Sorry D! I imagine I might have come across as cold to some of the sister missionaries sometimes... didn't mean to be- they just sacred the daylights out of me!

I liked the heck out of them though- espcially the ones who were really good missionaries. (there were many of those)There are things that sister missionaries were able to do, as far as teaching and helping that I couldn't do if I was Jackie Chan.

Dana Cheryl said...

I'm thinking about forgiving all the elders that have incurred my wrath. Of course I'm just thinking about it. No promises. :)

Dana Cheryl said...

LOL! The insult of the day is cracking me up. Really John you should be afraid of Renae. :) She's gonna get you for ragging on her fella.

Anonymous said...

Hah! and I was on the verge of being sick of making up insults! Today was reload day for next month's insults, and instead of dropping Insult of the Day you inspired me to make up 30 new slap in your face insults! And some of them are WONDERFUL!


Ps: you can check out the Insult Archive and read most of the past insults any time you need to be insulted! (see link at right)

Bruce said...

you know what i just figured out is kinda fun? try combining different insults.

Renae said...
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Everyone Admires Mary said...
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