Daily GUIDE-ance:

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Serious Jokes

I made up a new kind of joke. The thing is, this kind of joke isn't funny. Instead they are Tragic. Like Shakespeare. Because some people just prefer a sad ending, you know? So these are "jokes" that you can share with your Goth friends*:

  • A man walks into a bar. He becomes an alcoholic and his wife leaves him. He loses everything and dies of liver disease.

  • Why did the chicken cross the road? To be crushed beneath the wheels of a speeding semi.

  • Your mom's so fat she has type 2 diabetes!

  • Knock knock. Who's there? A serial killer disguised as the meter-reader.

  • A traveling salesman stops at an old farmhouse one night, looking for a place to stay. The farmer says no. He walks for miles, alone in the cold.

*These also might be good to tell to the Overly Pious.


timpani76 said...

A horse walks into a bar....
It crushes his esophagus and he dies of asphyxiation.

A priest, a rabbi, and a preacher all argue over religion. Endlessly.

Three guys are out playing golf. When they get home their wives all yell at them.

Hmmm, I may think of more later. Your un-jokes were hilarious, John, I had to take a crack at it.

Eyepoke said...

Not bad T-dog.

How about:

A mormon, a Jew and an Atheist all die in a car crash. They all get to the Judgement. St. Peter takes one look and pulls the trap-door-to-hell lever.

Bruce said...

a cute high school girl gets drunk at a party and passes out. some jerk takes advantage of her. she gets pregnent and has to quit the basket ball team, looses her college scollership and has to work as a waitriss at a run down diner at the edge of town.

Bruce said...

a tree falls in the forest, crushing the legs of a logger, he screems and screems and people half a mile a way are able to hear him.

Bruce said...

this is fun. i could do it all day.

Renae said...

You might be a redneck if your sister, aka your mother-in-law, died in a horrible accident involving a shot-gun, four gallons of gasoline, a tractor, and the words "Ya'll watch this!"

pie-seas79 said...

Oh my goodness, this is just what I needed today!!! Thank you. HAHAHA!
Now, these are my kind of jokes!

lizS said...

well, i think you guys are all SICK! you should be ASHAMED of yourselves! you need HELP!!

jbc said...

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was DEAD!


Eyepoke said...

Monkey out of the tree! Good one! I'd forgotten that one. Me and Crider used to tell that one all the time!!

Eyepoke said...

Crider i cant see your profile.

Whats the matter with you?

Brad Carter said...

I think you need to write a book of these.

Andrea said...

More!! I want more!!

Anonymous said...

So I came over here from Liz's blog to see what was so offensive and nasty. Hm. Well, I thought the serial killer was a little tasteless, and maybe the fat joke may have felt personal to someone, but nasty? Mostly they were funny. Sounds like someone not really worth your time. (I mean, sad if they are family, otherwise, not worth your time.) Let me try one:

Comedian George Carlin dies, and splits Hell wide-open.

Yeah, so I'm no good at these. I'll leave it to you guys.

Hey movie recommendation: "Be Kind Rewind"! Watch this movie! Seriously-watch it.


Dana Cheryl said...

yep still funny. lol funny. rotfl funny. better yet lmaorotfl funny.

Brad Carter said...

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Open up, it's the police!

You'll never take me alive, copper! (fires gun)

(cops return fire)

Oh! You got me! Ouch! Oh, the pain! The blood! It hurts so much. Please tell my wife and kids I love them...

(cops fire a few more rounds into the perp, just for good measure.)

Eyepoke said...

Cop 1: "Whaddaya mean dis ain't 134 Sycamore Blvd? Den who is dis stiff? Ah Louie, ya numbskull! Dis is as bad as last week when we shot up dat nunnery because you thought it was the house of ill repute across the street!"

Eyepoke said...

Funny stuff everyone tanks!

Mush said...

Those are all hilarious! I know that I couldn't come up with something like that!