Daily GUIDE-ance:

Monday, March 31, 2008

I have an excess of things to blog about and a highly finite amount of time available.

drat why even bother?! More later.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

The second time this has happened this month

Today at Walmart I saw a man with a tail. He looked angry too. He was trying to buy bannannas and peanutbutter and a "who farted?" T-shirt, but the check out girl kept eating his money. He demanded to speak with her manager after a couple iterations of this behavior, but she said she was the manager, so he said he was going to call Sam Walton, and she said he was dead. He said no he was only wounded and he was sick of this type of prejudicial treatment on account of his tail and she said his tail had nothing to do with it. A fat person behind him was leaning on his shopping cart full of generic cola and ho-hos for support. At this point he spoke up in a wheeze and asked for Marlboro Reds in a box, but the girl said just a minute and the man with a tail gave him a very dirty look. Then she said if he didnt pay up she would call security. He said thats funny because I work as security at this Walmart. The woman behind the fat man left the express line they were in and headed for another line at this point. The fat man opened a cola and started to drink. Meanwhile I was looking at Magic cards but I noticed my 2 year old running away so I had to run after him and I did not get to see what happened next.

Currently stuck in my head:

Thursday, March 20, 2008


Another gang of pyschos endorse Obama.

These guys, Farrakon and his preacher of 20 years... Wow.

Of course Obama distances himself from these people- to do otherwise would be political suicide, but you have to ask yourself "What is it about Obama that these freaks love?". Its scary.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

mirror again

I just chanced to pass the mirror again. WOOOOOOO-doggies!

Monday, March 17, 2008


Blogging is Dumb!
I hate blogging. People who write blogs are idiots, just like the people who read them. Dum dum dum. what a waste of time. Anyone who writes a blog deserves to be kicked squarely in the grion by a cow. your dum.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

The Secret Post

This is a SECRET POST! Nobody knows about it but you and me! If you found this post, go to this person's blog and leave a stalkerish message. I don't know them. Say something like: "I am a robot. The Earth must be anniliated."

Then let me know what happens.

Saturday, March 8, 2008


Being good is alot of work. Sometimes I think I would prefer to switch to the side of evil. The first problem with that is Liz would leave me. If I could pursuade her to lead a life of crime with me that might help but I dont think she has the right temprament. Also the lack of discipline on the dark side would tick me off to no end. Maybe if I just went for neutrality? No- thats just another word for lazy. Also, I think that I would probably tire of evil fairly quickly. Sure, the initial thrill of beating up who ever I felt deserves it would be an immense relief. But I have observed that mean people dont have friends.

In the privacy of my own car and home I indulge in forbidden rudeness though.

Normal life does not offer enough socially acceptable chances to shout things like : "I 'm going to break every bone in your body!" at people. I was thinking about this the other day. Thats ALOT of bones. It would take hours and hours to actually do to someone. and itd be exhausting. And just when you think you are finished, you remember about the 3 little ones in thier ears.

Another thing I'd like to say more to people is :"OUTTA THE WAY PECK!" Like in "Willow". Or like in the 10 Commandments and other such movies it always seems socially acceptable to address the elderly as "Old Man" or "Old Woman". That would be nice to do at Walmart "No cart for me Old Woman!" "Outta the way PECK!" Or to address the help at gas stations and such as: "Ho there slave girl! Fetch me a mountain dew and be quick about it!"

"You Fool!" thats another phrase that would be nice to use more often.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Just how big a geek I really can be

"every nerve and every cell
has got to fight to stay alive and well"


Oh nothing much here. Ive been thinking about my own granduer again, naturally. Its always kind of the elephant in the room isn't it?

Just to show you how much of a geek I can be at times- well you know I engineer for a living. Found out lately that I like it. Im not half bad at what I do. It fits reasonably well. Sometimes I miss the physicality of doing construction, and I liked the social interaction with drunk people that I had at Hit and Run, but the $$ is definately better and at the other jobs, I was always had that feeling of being under used. Like Marvin the Paranoid android. Here I am, brain the size of a planet... That is much less so now.

where was I? Oh yeah let me tell you about my geekness. The other day I was slacking a wee bit at work- that is to say, I had other stuff on my mind and I found myself taking time out of my work day to... cue "white and nerdy"... solve a math problem. An infinite series problem from calculus. yeah. unrelated to work. Thats fairly geeky. But let me tell why I was working on that problem... you see I was imagining in my mind a Magic Tournament. And I was thinking about timed games. And how a timed game invites the winning player to stall. And I thought one way to prevent that would be to have a somewhat random time limit. Like rolling a d6 every 60 seconds after say 15 minutes and calling the game when a 6 came up. But the question then is how long on average are you then allowing the games to become? In theory they could go on for 100+ years- very unlikely- so what is the average number of rolls it takes a 6 to come up?

So I set up the infinite series problem to solve it:

average game length=(1/6)[15x(5/6)^0 +16x(5/6)^1+17x(5/6)^2+18x(5/6)^3.....etc forever]

(5/6)x average game length=(1/6)[15x1/6(5/6)^1 +16x(5/6)^2+17x(5/6)^3.....etc forever]

hence...well you dont want me to solve the problem here for you do you?

So I use the term geek and nerd to describe myself- but one must remember that I am a tall, goodlooking, muscular geek.