Daily GUIDE-ance:

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Insult Archive

You are mildy smelly.
You sawed-off pot-bellied imbecilic flea-bitten bum!
Your children are vermin!
Why you reprehensible pip-squeak!
You blithering idiot!
May each snowflake be as an angel spitting on you.
You foul bauble of man's vanity!
May you be mistaken for a spittoon.
You are a cross-eyed bear.
I hope you trip into a vat of eels.
I hope you get stepped on by an Apotosaurus! On Jupiter!
The next time you go to a fast food joint, I hope you fall into the fry vat naked!
Blubber Eater!
Get off your soapbox you snake-handling, baby-killing polygamist FREAK!
I hope you get run over by your mom!
Happy Easter Ya Dope!!
Your head smells like boiled-onions.
I hope you slide down a 300ft tall palm tree naked!
I hope you are severely inconvienced!
I hope you breathe in gaseous mercury which then liquifies in your lungs
I would like to watch you fall down a flight of stairs.
May your dentist go mad, mid-procedure.
May you go mad.
May you encounter a cannibal.
May you encounter a cannonball.
May you become a cannibal.
May you become a cannonball.
You miserable bucket of Spittle!
I hope a Bird Poops on your Soul.
Eat your Donkey!
I hope you get rabies from the Pope.
I hope a mallet hits you on the head!
Today you are not even worth insulting.
May you sell your soul to the Devil and only get a bit of cheese for it.
You Flatulent Hussy!
Ya Filthy Animal!
Ya daft Bugger!
You Overwieght Glob of Grease!
You oafish, drooling, semi-evolved pervert !
(Overheard): Whatever, Towel-head, why don't you just go strap a bomb to yourself and get it over with
You are an infestation
Listen three-eyes, don't you try to out-wierd me, I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast cereal!
Stupid Crap-doggie
Your mom is a toothless, bearded Hag!
May you be forced to digest caltrops.
Your religon is dum.
You are a vomit sandwich.
You are an insecure dweebe.
Jesus hates you and so do I! (shouted at me once from a passing car)
Pasty, Bloated Codfish
You are a Blot on the human race.
You are Jessica Simpson's intellect in Jabba the Hutt's body
Your mom loves you because she's a moron.
I hope you pee your pants during your next job interview.
Your mom's so dum she probably likes Obama.
May the Pope run over you in his new tractor.
Degenerate Buffoon!
You are an error
You are ugly on the inside as well as the outside.
Is that barf, or did you dress yourself this morning?
Jobless Hobo!
Nice make-up. I assume Walmart was out of paper bags?
Stick a needle in your eye!
May a salesman visit your door every hour
You drink much sour wine to forget what you once were before you pledged yourself to the corruption that is Chaos!
A plague on both your houses!
May you continue to suffer from transgender disphoria.
If you had a real life you wouldn't spend so much time on the internet.
Your face is a Rat-Pumpkin!
May a tornado embed your spine in a pine tree.
Your mom's fat.
Today's insult is too complex for your simple mind to comprehend.
Ye Festering chalice of Bile!
Go live in an Alien Antfarm!
Today, I hope you need to Stop, Drop, and Roll.
Today, I hope you need to Stop, Drop, and Roll, at the same time as you have to Duck and Cover.
Today, I hope you need to Stop, Drop, and Roll,and Duck and Cover, all while recieving the Heimlich manuver.
Go stick your head in a pig.
May you drink deeply from the flagon of suffering.
Go swim in a septic tank again.
May you be scorched.
You are a fool, devoid of thought.
Thou spawn of Hell!
To the Abyss with you!
Your words are poison.
May the sun absorb you in its firey bosom.
May your bodily functions lose all sense of propriety.
You son of a motherless goat!
You son of a goatless mother!
You goat of a motherless son!
You mother of a goatless son!
You're Pathetic
You can't do anything right
I wish you had never been BORN
Near-sighted Gynecologist
You Filthy Quisling!
You Lewd, Crude, Bag of Prechewed Food!
You are a Maggot Burger with everything on it and a side order of Flies!
I think you are a liar and your beliefs are stupid.(used on me once)
You Two-toned slime-coated Zebra-headed Paramecium Brain!
Son of a Hilary!
I hope you get reincarnated as a dung beetle 3 million times in a row!
You Dirty-double Crossing, No-Good for nothing, lowndown Skunk-bait!
How about if I give you The Finger?
Kiss my leprosy.
I wish you a nightmarish afterlife.
You gutless earth worm!
I hope you die and cease to exist, and that your life was a complete waste of time!
A pox o' your throat!
You bawling, blasphemous, incharitable dog!
Hang, cur, hang! You whoreson, insolent noise-maker!
You decrepit, old has-been!
Zark off!
You egg-sucking, sheep-stealing, one-eyed son of a stuffed monkey!
May the Hammer of Thor pulverize your family!
You disgust me. (I used this one last year on an elderly black woman)
Die, Rat-Face!
You would be a good gift at a Tongan funeral. (and you are not a bag of Flour.)
Go sandpaper your eyes out!
I hope you get rabies and die!
I hope you are itchy all day today.
You smell of poison of stupidity
People like you should be struck.
You pool of spittle
Gork for brains!
Confusion to your allies
May you sleep the sleep of the terrified tonight.
May you awaken to fresh horrors.
At lunch time I hope you spill it.
May all your foes vanquish you!
I wish you deep sadness.
Go kick yourself in the instestines.
May you live to see the inside of a whale's intestines.
I hope your last name is inadventently changed to Intestine.
Is that your face or your intestines?
You smell like intestines.
Eat Intestines!
Is that your brain or did you run out of shampoo?
I hope encounter a stomach pump today
Nice hair cut. What were you in for?
You loooooove Michael Ball!
Nice tattoo. Probably you save a lot on make-up that way.
You brainless Guffalump!!
You skinny walpwinder!
You are a failure.
You make me want to shrivle up and die rather than admit that we are the same species
Go sandpaper your eyes out!
Foul one!
Brainless Doodle-head.
Today, I hope you get a puncture wound
Go hang yourself with your own intestines!
I hope you drop a brick on your eyeball.
You are an ibble-wiplicker!
Devil worshipper!
Today I hope you trip over your own intestines, into a tub of intestines!
Go iron your fingers!
May you have terrifying nightmares while driving
I hope your primary means of transport gets stolen.
May you be caught in a rain of anvils!
Today, I hope your true love marries another.
I hope your primary means of transport gets stolen, and I hope it was your feet
May you contract an intestinal disease
May you give birth to a porcupine. Breach.
May a furniture dolly break while you are using it.
May you wind up working at the DMV!
Today, I dispair of ever finding an insult equal to your many inadequacies.
You are a bad speller
Is that your pet walrus or did you bring your spouse along?
Nice Brain.What else did you find at the yard sale?
You make me feel sorry for the ugly tree.
I HaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaTE YOOOOOOOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Malachi 2:3
You loooooove Michael Ball!
Kiss my week old vomit bucket!
I see that something has eaten half your face away.
You are a maggoty corpse!
You are a great artist. No one can draw flies like you do.
Lick my sump pump!
You go to church with Barak Obama.
You make intestines look smart.
I hope you get the death penalty
I hope you get sooo offended by this insult that you sit down and cry like a baby. Idiot.
You're a jerk! A complete knee biter.
Insult of the day is out of order today. Why don't you go away, loser?!
May you spend your day in a Iron Lung.
Your grandma is a withered up senile old lady
dum dum
Acid in your breakfast cereal.(hydrochloric, not the drug, you old fool)
May you suffer in proportion to your ignorance!
May you be exposed to the whole law of justice.
May you throw up something still alive.
Horse bucket breath
May you give birth to a porcupine. Breach.(repeated. I know. I like this one)
May you be unable to think of a decent insult when you need one.
You think like a girl.
You are a feminist cow.
You are a filthy perverted old hag!
Bite your tongue off
On the night you were conceived your parents should have gone to the movies instead. (There ya go MC. I used your insult! Happy? It was a crap lousy insult, I must say.)
I hope you get diesel fuel in your eyes
You belong in the army of Shiz!
May you be unable to afford a bodyguard on the one day that you really need one
Here. Take this quarter. Go downtown and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face!
You son of a drunken noodlemaker!
You're Retarded!
You wretched mailboxhead!
You leaking sack of puss.
You are an unworthy Kitteneater!
You go to church with Barak Obama
Today, I hope you get kicked to death by an ostrich
May you be reincarnated as an intestine!
May you receive a posthumous pardon.
You certainly are a fatso!
Why don’t you go drink a nice glass of saliva?
You little Apple-dropper!
You smell like botulism!
I hope you get botulism!
I hope you get botulism of the intestines!
Go eat botulism infested intestines, you disgusting, twisted, warped child of filth!
You despicable coffee-drinker!
You pestilential piece of offal!
You’re a Dork!
Your face is fat.
Your wife is fat.
Your have a fat rear end.
You have a fat head.
Your intestines are fat.
No insults for you today, ya big fat dope!
You are a plague.
Go boil your face off.
May you gain even more weight. May you be mistaken for a turkey. May you break a tooth playing football. May your enemies get the lucky half of the wishbone. May you burn the dinner.
You are a zombie piglet
You little time-piddler!

Tonight, while you are trick or treating, may the monsters follow you home, may the moon be full, may your sacks be heavy, may the dark rituals summon forth a full measure of evil, and may all things be creeeepy! Happy Halloweeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!

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