Daily GUIDE-ance:

Thursday, October 25, 2007


I was recently offended by a box of breakfast cereal that I was eating.

It had some supposedly educational material on the back, all about the lives of honey bees. (the cereal had honey in it i think hence the tie in) It told about three types of honey bees, and I have to say that as a man, I was offended.

One type of bee, a female bee, it explained, does no work except to laze around the hive all day, mating with the multiple partner bees, laying far more eggs than it can ever afford, and eating food that it freeloads off other decent hard working bees.

What would you expect entomologists to name this lowest of insects? The Lowlife bee? The Slattern Bee? The Trailer-trash Welfare-check bee? No. Simply because this bee is a female they call this creature THE QUEEN BEE!

Ok, you might say, sure but you cant equate animal and human behavior like that. Fine, I say, I'll bite, lets play the game. Lets just suppose there was no anti-male agenda at work here. Fine.

So then my cereal box tells me about another type of bee, a male bee this time, that has basically the same job. It does no work, its only function in the hive is reproductive. These are the males bees from which the Queen draws her multiple partners. I would assume this bee is called the King Bee or maybe the Stud Bee. Oh no. This bee is called the Drone. Not even the Drone Bee- just drone. Its like the anti man entomologists can barely acknowledge that males and females are the same species.

The third type of bee is called a Worker Bee, and of course its female, and its the one the queen leaches off of.

It is difficult being male in this dark, female dominated world, where a guy can't even eat breakfast with out having his gender held against him in a subtle plot between female scientist oppressors and their cohorts in the breakfast cereal packaging business.

Why is it that women can wear slacks and button down shirts in the business world, but if a man wears a skirt he is labeled as some kind of freak? And neck ties? the silliest most useless peice of clothing in the universe- you never see them advertised to women. And why is it that women can go sleeveless and in sandals to formal dress up events, but the only place a man can do the same is on the beach? Why is it that women can wear any color they want and be dressed up- but a man in a pastel tuxedo is only seen in the movie Dumb and Dumber?

I'll tell you why- because women control the fashion industry.

Why can you study feminism in college but not masculinism?

Its time men stood up to this type of centuries old female oppression and burn their neck ties, and wear sandals, tanktops and denim to church. After all we are bigger and stronger and more streamlined.

Ps: this was a joke. who cares about stupid bees? ties are dum its true but so are pastels. women do control the fashion industry, but who cares about that? fashion smashion. Its for babies anyway. It is obviously a bit screwy that you can study feminism but not masculinism... but the obviousness of it makes it all a bit of a joke anyway doesn't it? And I am bigger and stronger. Im also smarter, but thats cause I'm John Sever, not because I'm male. I do hate ties though. I wish President Hinckley would quit wearing his. 1000 points to anyone who can explain why we wear ties. Hate em. I quit wearing them when I was 14, and only started again cause I had to on my mission.


Renae said...

Ha Ha! Now answer me this one: Why is it that wrinkles on a man are "distinguished" (Sean Connery-hello!) but if a woman lookes over 25 she is Much less attractive. Wrinkles on a woman, she's an old hag. Why is it that a man can loose his hair and still be attractive (Yul Brynner). A bald woman is a total freak, not at all attractive. Why is it that a man can put on a few lbs and still be attractive? Look at you! ;) A woman on the other hand must practically (they often do) ruin her health to meet the public's standard of beauty.

Anonymous said...

oh yes! and why the heck do we have to shave our legs, and wear make-up? that's one i totally don't get. now, john will argue that he doesn't care, and for the longest time i believed it. but then i noticed that every time i do these things, i get lavishly complemented, whilst he is silent if i don't. hmmmm, something to ponder....

Anonymous said...

I am considering starting a masculinist movement. I also think that a straight pride parade sometime would be a good idea. And a white history month.

When would be a good time for white history month?

And who would be interested in partcipating in a straight pride walk or some such? We could assemble outside the court house and shout things lik "We're striaght!/ we're great!/ we're glad that we have mates!"...


timpani76 said...

Well, in defense of the feminists (no booing or hissing!), white men have in fact always had the right to vote! But, women have controlled the fashion industry since the late 1800's at least in America, I'm sure it started earlier in more civilized countries (ie countries where they probably should have a few more straight pride parades).

Anonymous said...

Also I am thinking about writing a book called : "White Men of the Bible"


Anonymous said...

::ROFL:: That was really funny! Here's a question for you: What does it say about our society when half of the population wakes up, and first thing in the morning, tie a tiny noose around their necks?

Actually, neckties are supposed to be the last vestige of the cape. Knowing you, you'd rather wear a cape every day of the week than a tie. I think they'd be heavy, though.


Anonymous said...

I'm not sure there were many white men in the Bible (aside from red-headed David, but really he was a Jew). Most of them were middle eastern.